Aidan Ryan and Rachelle Toarmino—two award-winning writers who are also married—join Laura Federico to explore desire, ambition, and creative partnership. They discuss the ecstatic "adrenaline rush" of making art, the relationship between absence and wanting, and how they navigate power dynamics in both their work and relationship. From Rachelle's viral poem "You up?" to Aidan's examination of his aunt and uncle's art world journey, they reveal how desire evolves from abstract wanting to deep connection, why intimacy matters more than fame, and what it means to think through writing as two people building a life together.

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Laura Federico

The Cycle Book

Rachelle Toarmino

Hell Yeah

You up?

Aidan Ryan

I Am Here You Are Not I Love You

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TIMESTAMPS

05:14 — Is it better to desire or to be desired?

06:23 — Desire as the engine of creative work

07:51 — The relationship between absence and desire

08:53 — Desire vs. ambition in the life of an artist

10:00 — Aidan's early encounters with publishing and fame

12:32 — The discomfort of being desired and misinterpreted

13:24 — Rachelle on rejecting careerist poetry tracks

14:56 — "I want to be read because I want to be felt and understood"

16:59 — What ecstasy feels like when writing a poem

18:21 — How Aidan and Rachelle met

21:41 — "Our understanding of our desires improves as we age"

22:06 — What changes as the relationship evolves

23:46 — The intimacy of direct address in Rachelle's poetry

25:15 — Finding the out-loud voice of new poems

27:07 — The story behind "You up?" the viral Tumblr poem

29:38 — Gender roles in creative relationships

33:41 — Power dynamics beyond patriarchal stereotypes

34:52 — Where desire and power intersect

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Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.

Laura Federico sits down with Stephanie Wambugu, author of the critically acclaimed debut novel Lonely Crowds, to explore the intimate relationship between desire and suffering in the lives of Ruth and Maria.

Together, they unpack the complex dynamics of Ruth and Maria's decades-long friendship, examining how childhood shapes adult patterns of longing, the shadow Catholicism casts over pleasure in the novel, and why penance becomes inextricable from passion. Stephanie shares her perspective on trauma narratives in fiction, the problem with making suffering too tidy, and how secular life leaves us without clear pathways for moral absolution.

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Laura Federico

The Cycle Book

Stephanie Wambugu

Lonely Crowds

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TIMESTAMPS

04:49 — Why Stephanie believes desiring is better than being desired

06:21 — Ruth's patterns of desire and reenactment in Lonely Crowds

07:58 — Remembering vs. forgetting: The responsibility of memory

08:31 — Pop psychology and the trauma narrative

10:45 — How we narrativize traumatic events through language

17:12 — The compelling unavailable person

18:52 — Ruth as Maria’s acolyte

24:10 — Secular life and the search for moral absolution

25:08 — Religion as organizing principle in times of collective pain

28:37 — Mental illness without metaphor

32:01 — Why novels can hold unanswerable questions

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Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.

In this episode, sex therapist Laura Federico (The Cycle Book) talks with novelist Erin Somers, author of The Ten Year Affair, about desire inside long-term relationships, the fantasies we carry, and the secret inner lives that shape us.

Erin’s novel is a sharp, funny, emotionally rich portrait of two parents navigating forbidden desire across parallel timelines. This conversation unpacks both the psychology and the cultural moment behind it.

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• Laura Federico
• The Cycle Book
• Erin Somers
• The Ten Year Affair

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TIMESTAMPS

00:00 — Welcome to The Desire Question

05:50 — Affairs and the Arrival Fallacy

08:20 — Polyamory: Gentrified Cheating?

12:45 — Who Am I When No One Needs Me?

19:00 — Nothing Forbidden, Nothing Fun

29:15 — Rejecting the Ballerina Farm Industrial Complex

31:00 — Broccoli Mom, Patron Saint of Chaos

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Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.