--Media Links--

website: delvepsych.com

instagram: @delvepsychchicago

youtube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20⁠

substack: ⁠https://delvepsych.substack.com/⁠

--Participants--

Ali McGarel

Adam W. Fominaya

--Overview of Big Ideas--

A well-meant “How are you feeling today?” can inadvertently become a demand for improvement, loading guilt onto someone who already feels wretched.

The urge to rescue often curdles into frustration: we hate witnessing suffering, so we try to solve it—and then resent the person when they don’t “get better.”

Advice (“go for a walk,” “try a run”) is usually not novel; it can amplify shame by implying the depressed person is simply failing to do the obvious.

A more humane stance is presence without coercion: stop trying to fix, keep trying to care.

Support can be instrumental (doing practical tasks) or emotional (staying close, receptive, and steady).

Sometimes the most restorative help is non-topical connection—rejoining a friend in ordinary togetherness that reawakens identity and belonging.

The episode problematizes tidy, authoritative definitions of “depression,” arguing for humility: clinical models, lay language, and alternative framings can coexist without credential-policing.

--Breakdown of Segments--

Cold open and Delve updates: invite word-of-mouth sharing, reflect on writing barriers, and describe a “small-chunks” approach to blog content (and a future book-shaped compilation).

The viral prompt: react to Matias James Barker’s “don’t text your depressed friends” critique; unpack how check-ins can become reassurance-seeking for the helper.

The advice trap and shame spiral: why suggestions rarely help; reframing “ideas” as curiosity about reasoning; how pushing solutions can externalize and intensify shame.

Low-lift invitations: concrete companionship (movie, s’mores, showing up) that reduces decision-fatigue while preserving the right to decline.

Togetherness as medicine: instrumental vs emotional support; why being-with can heal more than problem-solving; bookshelf anecdote as memorable care.

Limits and self-care for supporters: intentionality, choosing one’s effort, and not extending beyond capacity.

What is “depression,” anyway?: critique of false consensus; respect for plural definitions; perils of ad hominem credential attacks.

Closing reflections: admiration, fallibility, and the gap between intellectualizing solutions and actually living them.

--AI Recommended References (APA)--

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR). American Psychiatric Publishing.

Beck, A. T., Rush, A. J., Shaw, B. F., & Emery, G. (1979). Cognitive therapy of depression. Guilford Press.

Hari, J. (2018). Lost connections: Uncovering the real causes of depression—and the unexpected solutions. Bloomsbury Publishing.

MEDIA LINKS

Website: delvepsych.com
Instagram: @delvepsychchicago
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20
Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/

Hosts
Ali McGarel
Adam W. Fominaya

OVERVIEW OF BIG IDEAS
Ali and Adam unpack the “internal working model” as a mental blueprint: the mostly-implicit rulebook we carry about who we are, what other people are like, and what the world tends to do to us.

They emphasize generalization. A painful early event rarely stays “one-to-one” (not just “chihuahuas are dangerous”), but expands into broader assumptions (“dogs are dangerous,” “animals can’t be trusted,” “the world is unsafe”).

They highlight a clinical nuance: the same childhood context can yield divergent lessons. Two siblings can walk out of the same house with different narratives because the organism is always constructing meaning, not merely recording events.

A practical triad becomes the organizing frame: how I see myself, how I see others, how I see the world. The episode shows how one early motif (e.g., “I’m helpless” or “I’m a burden”) can shape adulthood across medical situations, home repairs, and intimate relationships—either through clinging dependence or rigid self-reliance.

They also point to “competing beliefs” and split paths: “I’m a burden” can coexist with “I must take care of everyone else,” producing the familiar pattern of over-giving and under-receiving.

Finally, they bring it into the therapy room: many “confusing” behaviors make sense once you locate the old organizing principle that once protected the person. The question becomes: did it work then, and is it helping now?

BREAKDOWN OF SEGMENTS
Opening and Delve reminders (services, consultation, and sharing the show).

Defining internal working models and why they’re bigger than single-event triggers.

Generalization in action: the chihuahua example expands into world-level beliefs.

Self-beliefs: childhood illness as a seed for “helpless/dependent” or “burden,” then traced through adult stressors (health, household tasks, attachment needs).

Other-beliefs: the scraped-knee vignette (“people aren’t responsive”) and how it becomes mistrust, refusal of help, or even feeling insulted by care.

World-beliefs: “the world is unfair/dangerous,” illustrated through guarded reactions to billing and assumptions about how businesses operate.

Closing reflections on stillness: why silence is hard, and how waiting in the uncomfortable middle can sometimes let the situation clarify rather than forcing a rushed, anxiety-driven decision.

AI RECOMMENDED REFERENCES (APA)
Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.

Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.

Bowlby, J. (1969/1982). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment (2nd ed.). Basic Books.

Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Developmental Psychology, 28(5), 759–775.

Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A practitioner’s guide. Guilford Press.

MEDIA LINKSWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/
HostsAli McGarelAdam W. Fominaya, PhD

OVERVIEW OF BIG IDEAS
Ali and Adam continue their goals-needs-values framework by zooming in on “needs” and why this category so often confuses people. They argue that a “need” isn’t a craving or an impulse; it’s something that, if missing, leaves you persistently off-balance.

They sketch three layers: universal needs (belonging, safety, stability), transient “Sims needs” that fluctuate and demand immediate attention (sleep, bathroom, basic functioning), and personal needs that are uniquely yours or uniquely intensified for you.

A practical distinction: values are outputs (how you mean to live, what you do), while needs are receipts from the world (what you require from your environment, time, and relationships to stay psychologically steady).

They warn against over-specific lists: the point isn’t perfect taxonomy, it’s building a usable compass. When a big feeling hits, revisit the list—something in your goals, needs, or values is likely being neglected or overfed.

The episode closes with a riff that lands as a principle: fatalism is a kind of faux prophecy. Our brains tilt toward loss, threat, and catastrophe, so “it’ll all go badly” often feels more plausible than “it could go well.”

BREAKDOWN OF SEGMENTS
Intro, recap of goals-needs-values as “north stars,” and a reminder that the aim is pursuit, not flawless achievement.

Why “needs” are tricky: universal needs are often invisible until they’re threatened; transient needs hijack the moment; neither necessarily belongs on a personal list unless they’ve become salient.

Wants versus needs, via the recurring pastry example: wanting something intensely doesn’t make it a need.

Personal needs defined: the idiosyncratic requirements that keep you regulated (solitude, creative time, projects, being in nature, etc.), plus “dialed up” universal needs shaped by history and context.

Needs versus values: exercise as an example—often a value (a chosen way of living), sometimes pointing to a deeper need (time, support, presence, affirmation).

How to use the list: decision-making, schedule planning, and troubleshooting the “why do I feel off?” moments.

Negativity bias and risk aversion: why people default to catastrophic forecasts, and why “predicting doom” can masquerade as realism.

AI RECOMMENDED REFERENCES (APA)
Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323–370. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.5.4.323

Kahneman, D., & Tversky, A. (1979). Prospect theory: An analysis of decision under risk. Econometrica, 47(2), 263–291. https://doi.org/10.2307/1914185

Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370–396. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0054346