Today, we unpack how covert narcissistic dynamics quietly train thoughtful, self-reflective people to carry blame that was never theirs.

In this episode, we explore how normal, everyday questions—like asking about errands, timing, or work logistics—can somehow turn into tension, shutdowns, or accusations. Over time, those repeated interactions begin to reshape your inner dialogue, leaving you questioning your tone, your intent, and eventually your worth.

We’ll look at why self-reflective people are especially vulnerable to internalizing blame, how manipulatively tense environments distort your sense of what’s “normal,” and why taking responsibility often becomes a way to survive rather than a sign of actual fault. We’ll also name an uncomfortable truth: when you absorb blame, you become the pressure release valve for someone else’s unresolved tension—and while that may bring them relief, it comes at a real cost to you.

This is a signature episode designed to help you interrupt the reflexive thought “I am the problem,” reclaim your internal compass, and begin placing responsibility where it actually belongs.

If you’ve been feeling confused, ashamed, or perpetually “in trouble” around the same person, this conversation will help you see why—and remind you that self-reflection is a strength that deserves boundaries, not punishment.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

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What does covert narcissistic abuse look like when it unfolds slowly over decades—without obvious explosions, without outsiders seeing the damage?

In this episode, Renee speaks with Shari, who shares her lived experience of spending 42 years in a marriage that gradually became confusing, destabilizing, and emotionally exhausting. Shari reflects on the subtle but devastating dynamics of covert narcissism, including triangulation, passive aggression, emotional coldness, cognitive dissonance, and the profound impact these patterns had on her nervous system and sense of self.

This conversation explores what happens when the person you thought you knew reveals a different reality—and how deeply disorienting it can be to reconcile the marriage you believed you had with the truth you eventually see. Shari also speaks honestly about grief, anger, self-blame, and the moment she realized she had to choose herself in order to survive.

Most importantly, this episode offers hope. Shari shares what healing looks like later in life, how self-care is not selfish, and why it is never too late to reclaim peace, autonomy, and a sense of wholeness.

If you’ve ever questioned your reality, felt invisible in a long-term relationship, or wondered if it’s too late to start over—this episode is for you.

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

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Many survivors of covert narcissistic abuse feel calmer the moment they stop explaining themselves. In this episode, we explore why over-explaining becomes a survival response, how hypervigilance and emotional exhaustion keep the nervous system on high alert, and why pausing brings real relief.

For many people, explaining didn’t come from insecurity—it came from learning that safety depended on being understood. Over time, this pattern trains the body to stay in fight-or-flight, constantly preparing to defend, clarify, or soften. Renee shares a personal “popcorn moment,” a rare instance of staying calm while reactive behavior unfolded, and how stepping back made it possible to observe patterns clearly without taking them personally.

This is not an episode about making decisions, setting boundaries, or taking action. It’s about permission. Permission to pause. Permission to stop explaining, fixing, or defending. And permission to let your nervous system settle before asking yourself what comes next.

If clarity has left you feeling tired instead of empowered, this episode offers relief—not urgency—and reinforces that pausing is not avoidance. It is regulation.

DISCLAIMER:
THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.