Work with me 1-on-1: https://www.stumurray.com/coaching-applyWhy does every argument feel like you're speaking different languages?In anxious-avoidant relationships, both partners feel abandoned at the exact same time, in completely opposite ways. One feels abandoned by lack of presence. The other feels abandoned by lack of freedom. Same moment. Opposite experiences.That's why "just communicate better" doesn't work. You're not even having the same conversation.In this video, I break down:→ Why it feels like you're speaking different languages (and why it's not a communication problem)→ The pursue-withdraw loop that destroys intimacy (step by step)→ Why understanding your attachment style hasn't been enough to stop the pattern→ The 3 levels where this pattern actually lives (and why insight alone doesn't fix it)This isn't surface-level attachment advice. If you've read the books, taken the quizzes, and you're still stuck in the same cycle, this video shows you what's actually happening underneath.⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:0:00 - The thing nobody talks about0:25 - Why it feels like different languages2:10 - How the loop destroys connection6:10 - Why you can't stop (even when you see it)9:10 - What actually changes the pattern📌 NEXT VIDEO: How to break the loop with your partner. The conversation to have BEFORE you're triggered, and what to do in the moment when one of you starts to spiral. [Link when published]---#anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #attachmentstyles #relationshipadvice #anxiousavoidant The Anxious Avoidant Trap Is Working Exactly As Designed

Work with me 1-on-1: https://www.stumurray.com/coaching-applyIf you're crushing it professionally but walking on eggshells in your relationship, this isn't about working less or trying harder. The same performance-based identity that built your career is quietly destroying your intimacy. And you can't fix it with another productivity hack.This video breaks down why successful men struggle most at home, the hidden mechanism keeping you stuck even when you're "doing the work," and the exact framework for becoming the grounded leader your family needsTimestamps00:00 Why successful men fail at home 01:08 You can’t perform your way into intimacy 03:33 The 4 pillars every trustworthy man builds 05:05 Emotional capacity: stop fixing, start listening 08:27 Consistency: how trust is actually built #relationshipadvice #masculinity #selfimprovement #marriage #menshealth

Work with me 1-on-1: https://www.stumurray.com/coaching-apply

When she's upset, your instinct to fix her emotions is making it worse. Every time you try to calm her down, you're signaling you can't handle her emotions—and that's what makes her feel unsafe. In this video, I break down the 3 practices that changed how I show up in conflict and how my clients are using them to rebuild trust, respect, and attraction.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

- Why trying to fix her emotions always backfires

- The nervous system science of co-regulation

- 3 practices to stay grounded when she's emotional

- How to turn conflict into intimacy

I destroyed multiple relationships before learning this. Now I'm engaged and practice these daily. This is the training we never received.

Timestamps:

00:00 – Stop Trying to Fix Her Emotions (Why It Makes Her Feel Unsafe)

01:13 – The “Fixer” Pattern That Destroys Relationships

02:01 – Why Fixing Fails: It’s a Nervous System Issue

03:21 – Real Example: Money Stress & Learning to Stay Grounded

04:44 – Coregulation: How Your Calm Regulates Her Emotions

05:48 – What She’s Really Testing When She’s Emotional

08:18 – The 3 Practices to Stay Grounded During Conflict

14:30 – How Grounded Presence Rebuilds Trust, Sex & Attraction

#relationshipadvice #emotionalcapacity #relationshipvision #nervoussystem #gottman #neuroscience #marriage #men #selfimprovement #emotionalregulation #vulnerability #trust #sex #sexlife