Paris 1923

Trust me. People come and go. Go mostly. Slip away and go their own separate way. You need to make the most of them while they’re here. Love costs. It takes effort and work.

Some wise words I’ve collected from a couple of places. Maybe borrowing words from other people could work when I’m struggling for my own?

Freedonia 1933

It sounds very serious, all this, doesn’t it? There is room in it all for the silly, the fun, the joy. Maybe that should be the focus of my words from now on?

The quietness stems from the tangle of serious words attempting to describe and communicate things that are ephemeral and shifting. Music handles that much better. Maybe words can do more or similar through humour?

Venice 1947

You might also say that my mask and I are equally real. Real and unreal, yin and yang, the mysterious way and the M25. Tribes, belonging, separation. Time and space, concrete and snow.

All different things. Built differently out of different stuff. Yet perceived by me as just things, just Strange Textures of ourselves.

Infinite variety of perception being aware of itself.

Kembleford 1953

I’ve heard that some people feel more free to be themselves while wearing a mask. I don’t because my mask is a form of controlled behaviour. Removing the mask is what would give me the freedom. Experiencing that freedom potentially opens me up to ridicule, pain, other people’s judgement. This doesn’t worry me.

The potential for not being fully present afterwards, being seduced by the freedom and behaving in a way I don’t like, that does worry me. Swapping my mask for another’s…

Turks and Caicos 2014

I have often used my self to control others. Who I present as, how I hide parts and play parts and reflect others, reflect their objectives, ambitions, and fears.

The masks I’ve worn help to blend in, wider it creates tribes, separates us from others while creating a belonging, an influential presence.

Maybe being in control of your appearance is the norm. I find it difficult. I’d rather be mask-less and control the impulses I have so I can proceed with response, considered with Love.

Isle of Man 1999

Does control feel like safety to you? It’s been making me feel less and less safe over the years. The discharge of responsibility without the exercise of control can be perilous in more than one direction.

But to actually control feels more risky. Perhaps in extreme circumstances it is warranted – I don’t believe in absolutes so have to accept that there could be a place for it. But it worries me.

New York State 1830

Sometimes I think the argument goes like this: “if I can’t quickly decide what category to put you in, how can I behave in an appropriate manner rapidly? That would mean I’m at risk in case you are due deference, or I might miss out on a chance of food or sex. Therefore you making it hard for me to judge is a threat for which you must pay.”

I think I’d prefer to not judge and to not decide anything on these lines but interact on an ongoing basis as a thinking, feeling, individual.

It’s the middle of the season, so I thought a little additional notes was called for. Probably the penultimate one in fact, I peek a bit behind the scenes but not too much (unless anyone asks me, why talk about it?).

Also I recommend a few things:

• Gravitons Festival
• Transverse Tempo
• The Indie Beat
• The Neighborhood Listen
• The Last Frontier