Today i sat down with my good friend Ray.

Relapse doesn’t usually start with picking up a substance.
It starts quietly — with secrecy, self-deception, and the belief that “I’ll handle this on my own.”

In this episode, we have a brutally honest conversation about what relapse actually looks like after time in recovery — when you’re no longer in crisis, no longer desperate, and no longer asking for help.

We talk about being sober for years and still escaping. About how addiction becomes a chemical eject button for discomfort, fear, shame, resentment, money stress, and feeling out of control. About why some of us don’t ask for help — we have to get caught. And why, for many addicts, getting caught can feel like relief.

This conversation goes far beyond substances. We unpack lying “for no reason,” people-pleasing, emotional reactivity, comparison, resentment, food addiction, control, and the everyday behaviors that keep addict thinking alive long after drugs are gone.

We also talk honestly about the difference between alcohol and cocaine addiction, why willpower isn’t what keeps people sober, and what early recovery actually feels like when cravings are loud and honesty feels impossible.

Most importantly, we talk about what recovery looks like today — not the highlight reel, not the inspirational version, but the real work: learning to sit with discomfort, slowing down reactions, and making sure at least one person in the world knows everything.

This episode is for anyone who:

• Has relapsed after time sober

• Feels like they should be further along

• Is sober but still struggling

• Or is quietly carrying things they haven’t told anyone yet

If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t know if I have another recovery left in me,” this conversation is for you.

You’re not alone — and you don’t have to carry it by yourself.