In this episode of the Pride in Respect Podcast, host Dr Jack Farrugia is joined by Julia and Tori Cooke for a powerful conversation about post-separation abuse and the ways coercive control can continue after a relationship has ended.

Julia, a member of the LGBTIQA+ community, shares her lived experience of long-term coercive control, family violence and the ongoing impacts of abuse after separation. Her story highlights how leaving does not always mean immediate safety, and how people using violence may continue to intimidate, monitor, threaten, isolate or manipulate victim-survivors long after the relationship is over.

Tori Cooke, a family violence consultant, clinical supervisor, trainer and educator, brings deep sector insight into how coercive control works, why it can be so difficult to recognise, and why community responses matter. She explains how post-separation abuse can include stalking, surveillance, reputation damage, misuse of systems, threats, financial control, and using children or parenting arrangements as a way to maintain power.

Together, this conversation challenges the idea that leaving is simple or that safety automatically begins once a relationship ends. Julia and Tori also explore how identity, stigma, small-town visibility and assumptions about sexuality can be used as tools of control in LGBTIQA+ contexts.

This is a confronting but important episode about believing victim-survivors, recognising patterns of abuse, holding people who use violence accountable, and supporting people with compassion, patience and trust.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What post-separation abuse is and how it connects to coercive control
• Why leaving an abusive relationship does not always mean immediate safety
• How abuse can continue through threats, intimidation, monitoring and reputation damage
• How children and parenting arrangements can be used as tools of control
• The impact of small-town visibility, sexuality, stigma and being outed
• Why people may not recognise coercive control while they are experiencing it
• Why it is not the victim survivor’s responsibility to change the person using violence
• What communities and services can do to respond with accountability and care

If you are in immediate danger, call 000.

For 24/7 family, domestic and sexual violence counselling and support, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.

LGBTIQA+ specialist FDV support is available through the Rainbow Sexual, Domestic and Family Violence Helpline on 1800 497 212.

In Western Australia, you can contact the Pride in Respect Specialist FDV Support Service on 0481 080 201.

For more information, resources and support links, visit prideandrespect.org.au.

About Pride in Respect

Pride in Respect is a community partnership between Living Proud, GRAI, Transfolk WA and WAAC, generously funded by the Department of Communities.

This podcast was proudly produced by Pineapple Fingers. Visit pineapplefingers.com.au for more information.

If this conversation was meaningful to you, please subscribe, share the episode, or pass it on to someone who may need support.

The Pride in Respect podcast is recorded on Whadjuk Noongar boodja. We acknowledge and pay our respects to the Whadjuk people of the Noongar Nation and their Elders past and present as the traditional custodians of this land. We also honour Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander LGBTIQA+ people, including Brotherboys, Sistergirls and trans mob, and recognise their resilience, strength and deep connection to Country.

In this episode of the Pride in Respect Podcast, host Dr Jack Farrugia is joined by Marcus Roberts and Dani Wright-Toussaint for a thoughtful conversation about LGBTIQA+ young people’s experiences of family violence, intimate partner violence, growing up, coming out and learning what safe relationships can look like.

Marcus is the Principal Counsellor in WAAC’s Freedom Counselling Program, supporting LGBTIQA+ young people across WA. Dani is the Youth Services Manager for Mental Health Programs at Perth Inner City Youth Service, supporting young people who have experienced FDV/IPV, homelessness and mental health challenges.

Together, they explore how family violence can show up for LGBTIQA+ young people, including rejection, eviction from home, being denied gender-affirming care, financial control, isolation, and the impact of homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, cisnormativity and heteronormativity within families and relationships.

The conversation also looks at the blurry line between care, control and harm. For young people, it can be difficult to identify when parental concern or behaviour becomes controlling or unsafe, especially when framed as love, protection or “wanting what's best”. They speak about how healthy relationships are learned, why queer young people need affirming spaces and role models, and how families can create safer environments by listening, learning, and not placing the burden of education on young people.

This episode is a compassionate and practical discussion about safety, autonomy, connection and the importance of helping LGBTIQA+ young people feel seen, respected and supported.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How family violence can affect LGBTIQA+ young people
• The impacts of rejection, homelessness, unsafe family environments and how power and control can be disguised as love or protection
• Control around gender-affirming care, medication, money and disclosure
• Why healthy relationship education matters for queer young people, peer connection and affirming role models
• How homophobia, biphobia, transphobia and cisnormativity shape family dynamics
• How families can create safer environments for young people to come out and be themselves, and why parents, carers and adults need to do their own learning

If you are in immediate danger, call 000.

For 24/7 family, domestic and sexual violence counselling and support, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.

LGBTIQA+ specialist FDV support is available through the Rainbow Sexual, Domestic and Family Violence Helpline on 1800 497 212.

In Western Australia, you can contact the Pride and Respect Specialist FDV Support Service on 0481 080 201.

For more information, resources and support links, visit prideandrespect.org.au.

About Pride in Respect

Pride and Respect is a community partnership between Living Proud, GRAI, Transfolk WA and WAAC, generously funded by the Department of Communities.

This podcast was proudly produced by Pineapple Fingers. Visit pineapplefingers.com.au for more information.

If this conversation was meaningful to you, please subscribe, share the episode, or pass it on to someone who may need support.

The Pride in Respect podcast is recorded on Whadjuk Noongar boodja. We acknowledge and pay our respects to the Whadjuk people of the Noongar Nation and their Elders past and present as the traditional custodians of this land. We also honour Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander LGBTIQA+ people, including Brotherboys, Sistergirls and trans mob, and recognise their resilience, strength and deep connection to Country.

Pride in Respect Podcast - Episode 3: Power, Gender and Control

In this episode of the Pride and Respect Podcast, host Dr Jack Farrugia is joined by Paulie and Starlady for a powerful conversation about gender, power and control in the context of family, domestic, intimate partner and sexual violence experienced by trans and gender diverse people.

Starlady, a queer trans woman, feminine person and Director of the Zoe Belle Gender Collective, brings insight from her work in violence prevention, trans advocacy and the Transfem project. She speaks to the ways trans misogyny, cisnormativity, gender expectations and systemic discrimination can shape violence, and why services must do more than simply say they're inclusive. They must build trust, employ trans people, understand trans-specific experiences and actively make their spaces safe.

Paulie shares personal reflections on familial violence, rejection, coming out, loss, survival, chosen family and the long-term impacts of being denied safety, affirmation and support. Her story highlights how violence against trans people can begin within families, continue across relationships, and be intensified by silence, shame, exclusion and systems that are not built to recognise trans experiences.

Together, this conversation explores visibility, chosen family, community care, meaningful allyship and systemic change. It is a confronting but hopeful episode about what it means for trans and gender diverse people to be believed, respected, loved and supported.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How family violence can show up for trans and gender diverse people
• The role of chosen family, community connection and peer support
• How cisnormativity and transphobia can make violence harder to recognise
• Why trans people may not feel safe accessing police, justice or mainstream support services
• The need for family violence services to build trust with trans communities
• Starlady’s work on the Transfem project
• What meaningful allyship looks like for trans and gender diverse people
• Paulie’s lived experience of familial violence, rejection and survival
• Why systems must include trans voices from the beginning, not as an afterthought
• The importance of love, affirmation and respect in preventing harm

If you are in immediate danger, call 000.

For 24/7 family, domestic and sexual violence counselling and support, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.

LGBTIQA+ specialist FDV support is available through the Rainbow Sexual, Domestic and Family Violence Helpline on 1800 497 212.

In Western Australia, you can contact the Pride and Respect Specialist FDV Support Service on 0481 080 201.

For more information, resources and support links, visit prideandrespect.org.au.

About Pride in Respect

Pride and Respect is a community partnership between Living Proud, GRAI, Transfolk WA and WAAC, generously funded by the Department of Communities.

This podcast was proudly produced by Pineapple Fingers.

If this conversation was meaningful, please subscribe, share the episode, or pass it on to someone who may need support.

The Pride in Respect podcast is recorded on Whadjuk Noongar boodja. We acknowledge and pay our respects to the Whadjuk people of the Noongar Nation and their Elders past and present as the traditional custodians of this land. We also honour Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander LGBTIQA+ people, including Brotherboys, Sistergirls and trans mob, and recognise their resilience, strength and deep connection to Country.