How can you tell if a new partner shares your turn-ons — without making it awkward?

In this episode, I answer a listener question about casual sex, power dynamics, and the kind of miscommunication that can happen when you don’t talk about your turn-ons out loud. We unpack a qualitative study on how people in BDSM communities use tech (like texting) to express desires, set boundaries, and build trust — especially when things are new or casual.

You’ll learn:

• Why even light power play requires clear communication
• How texting about sex can build connection, not kill it
• How to talk about your turn-ons — including different submission styles — without overexplaining

The study covered in this episode is: Sometimes It’s Easier to Type Things Than to Say Them: Technology in BDSM Sexual Partner Communication by Hamm et al., published in Sexuality & Culture.

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Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.

Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

Sharing what turns you on with a partner can be scary. But it can also be hot, and emotionally rewarding.

This episode dives into one of the most common but rarely spoken fears in long-term relationships: what will happen if I share what I fantasize about? We unpack a fascinating new study on why people do (and don’t) share their sexual fantasies with partners — and the surprising gap between what people fear will happen, and what actually does.

We'll cover:

• Why fear of judgment often outweighs the actual risk
• The five most common reasons people keep fantasies private
• How to explore whether sharing is right for you, using my free, step-by-step exercise

The study covered in this episode is: A Content Analysis of Reasons for Disclosing Sexual Fantasies and Partner Responses by Kimberley et al., published in The Journal of Sex Research.

📝 Grab your free fantasy reflection exercise here

Interested in my services? Check them out here

Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.

Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

Do you ever feel like your sex drive is just… gone — and you don’t know why?

In this interview episode, I talk with researcher Dr. Simone Buzwell about how relationship inequity negatively affects female sexual desire — and why fairness outside the bedroom might matter more than you think inside it.

We unpack her study on desire, domestic labour, and gender roles — including why same-sex female couples often report higher desire, and what happens when heterosexual couples fall into default patterns neither partner consciously chose.

You’ll learn:

• Why emotional and cognitive labour can erode desire — and how to recognize the invisible load
• The difference between solitary and dyadic desire (and why equity only impacts one of them)
• How male and female desire differ — and why it's not just biology

The study covered in this episode is: Fairer Sex: The Role of Relationship Equity in Female Sexual Desire, written by Buzwell et al. and published in The Journal of Sex Research.

📝 Grab your free relationship equity checklist here, created by Malmö Stad, Sweden.

Interested in my services? Check them out here

Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.

Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link