This week, Joe and Emily do what they do best: start recording before they realize they’re recording and let the conversation go wherever it wants.

They debate coffee vs tea, spiral over why drip coffee is disappearing, and assign themselves questionable caffeine homework. Things take a turn into absurdity with invisible art selling for $18,000, silent comedy shows, naked stand-up, and why comedy doesn’t need gimmicks to work.

Joe shares a painfully memorable roast story involving powerful politicians, bombing in front of friends, and why sensitive comics never forget. Along the way, they get into Knives Out, White Lotus, reality TV conspiracies, Chris Hansen nostalgia, and the ethics of “To Catch a Predator.”

And somehow, it all ends with a heated argument over what to call the place where you buy food — because apparently “food store” is controversial.

Loose, funny, observational, and exactly the kind of episode you didn’t know you needed.

Happy 2026! We’re back for the first episode of the year, and we’re getting intentional. We dive deep into the fine line between Anxiety vs. Intuition—discussing therapy breakthroughs, why journaling streaks are overrated, and how to actually feel "content" in the new year.

But it’s not all deep talk. We’re also breaking down the hilarious reality of "wellness culture," from Staten Island-style meditation to the high cost of Disney magic.

What we cover in this episode:

• 2026 Intentions: Why we’re ditching vision boards for "bucket lists" and intentional living.

• The "Gabagool" Meditation: Joes's pitch for a new kind of guided meditation and why Insight Timer's free recordings are a mess.

• Travel Debates: Disney Cruise vs. the adult-only Virgin Atlantic to Bermuda (and that $80 pizza).

• Reminiscing: A reunion at Tiger’s Tale in Skillman and looking back at classmates we haven’t seen in 20 years.

• Rare News: Reacting to "Foreign Accent Syndrome" and the woman who woke up speaking with a Chinese accent.

• Atomic Habits: Using the Babbel app and the gym to keep the mental health in check.

Are you leaning into your intuition this year, or is it just anxiety? Let’s talk about it.

We’re back from a short break and things get weird fast. We talk weird food (including deer heart and peanut butter crimes), anxiety coping habits, trusting your gut, and why “that’s just who I am” isn’t an excuse for bad behavior. Along the way, we spiral into flying rituals, shopping anxiety, mental health accountability, holiday hot takes, and somehow uncover whatever Goober Nutter is.
Funny, honest, slightly unhinged — exactly how we like it.

This week, Joe and Emily dive into the wild world of modern slang — from Gen Alpha kids shouting “6–7” for no reason to grown adults still saying “dope,” “fire,” and every phrase that instantly makes us feel forty years older.

They break down the slang they grew up with, the slang kids use now, and the words nobody our age should be saying anymore.

Along the way, things spiral into mall nostalgia, weird hometown expressions, some truly strange news stories (yes, including a butt-sniffing bandit), spider season in Australia, and even an AI-generated criminal sketch that resembles Joe.

It’s chaos, it’s comfort, and it’s proof we may officially be too old for slang.

We kick off with the strangest headline yet — Bananas in Pyjamas held for ransom by the Russian mafia — and somehow end up talking Scotland travel plans, ancient clan drama, surprise DNA results, and bald men getting kissed for science.

🍌 Just another normal day on If You Would’ve Told Me.

Things get weird fast in Episode 2! 🎉
Joe and Emily start off swapping stories about writing, poetry, and old photo albums… and somehow end up discussing poop-themed restaurants, modern-day plague cases, and rats that love jazz. 🐀🎷

Along the way, they laugh through nostalgia, bad technology, and bizarre headlines that only this podcast could tie together. It’s equal parts hilarious, gross, and surprisingly thoughtful — just how we like it.

🎧 If You Would’ve Told Me – Season 2, Episode 2

🎙️ Episode 1: “Easy There, Eagle Eyes”
Season 2 kicks off with Joe and Emily catching up after summer break — and of course, the conversation goes everywhere. From the chaos of world headlines to the magic of aquariums, Disney trips, and summer comedy shows, they find humor in everything… even Joe’s “eagle eyes” moment that turned into a fender-bender.

They also talk about trusting experts vs. the “guy in the car with 7-Eleven shades,” why everyone’s a headline reader now, and how two simple phrases can save any political conversation. It’s classic If You Would’ve Told Me: funny, honest, curious, and a little bit chaotic.

Highlights:
🦅 The “Easy There, Eagle Eyes” story
🎢 Fearless kids and Tower of Terror
🎙️ Why crowd work might be cooling off
🚶 The Italian husband who walked 280 miles after a fight

Listen, laugh, and remember—life’s just one big tangent.

It’s the Season 1 finale! Joe and Emily wrap up 23 episodes with a little bit of everything: Emily’s Iceland trip (trolls, puffins, and strict moss laws), a 400-year-old shark nicknamed Norma, and the bizarre story of a passenger who died mid-flight… only for their body to go missing.

We also dive into the science of “three-parent babies,” the quirks of comedy audiences, and the eternal debate between cruises, all-inclusives, and solo travel. And of course, we finish the season with a lip-reading game that gives us instant classics like “Bring me a bagel, not a baby” and “Kooky Crocodiles Get Down.”

Thanks for laughing with us through Season 1 — we’ll be back in October with more stories, more bits, and a brand-new season!

🎧 Subscribe & Listen now

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