The Hidden Trauma of Transracial Adoption

Welcome back to Flip Your Mindset. Today I am sharing a deeply moving conversation with Eisner-nominated comic creator Sarah Myer. Sarah is the author and illustrator of the graphic memoir “Monstrous, a Transracial Adoption Story”. We connected after Sarah reached out to me on Instagram regarding a previous episode I recorded about adoption.

I wanted to bring Sarah on the show to share the vital perspective of the adoptee. As an adoptive parent myself, I know we must be willing to sit with uncomfortable truths and listen to the lived experiences of adoptees.

Growing Up Different and Adapting to Trauma

Sarah is a Korean adoptee who was raised in a rural, predominantly white community. In our interview, Sarah opened up about the severe bullying and racism they experienced from a young age. When you feel alienated and rejected for racial characteristics you cannot change, it leaves a lasting impact on your sense of self.

We discussed how children adapt to trauma and difficult environments. For Sarah, the primary coping mechanism was rage. Sarah fought back physically when pushed to the limit by peers. Interestingly, Sarah’s sister, who is also adopted from Korea, took a completely different approach. Her sister chose to be quiet and blend in to avoid conflict and racist jabs. It is fascinating how two people in the exact same household can develop entirely different survival tactics to get through the day.

The Adoption Industrial Complex

We also explored the larger system of adoption, which is an industrial complex. Sarah brought up the recent PBS documentary “Korea’s Adoption Reckoning”. This report exposed heartbreaking truths about the Korean adoption industry:

* The investigation revealed that many records were destroyed.

* There is evidence that records on both the Korean and American sides were falsified.

* In some tragic cases, babies were stolen or trafficked from hospitals and sold to agencies while the biological families were told the infants had died.

As adoptive parents, we are often sold the narrative that adoption is simply about love. However, we must acknowledge the inherent loss and trauma that comes from a child being separated from their birth origin. It is a primal wound.

The Burden of Healing

One of the most profound moments of our talk was acknowledging a difficult truth about the adoptee experience. Adoptees carry a wound they did not create, but the heavy burden falls entirely on them to heal it. This realization can feel isolating, but it can also be empowering because it means the adoptee holds the ultimate power to shape their own identity.

Sarah’s incredible graphic novel beautifully illustrates this process of confronting inner demons, processing anger, and finding self-compassion.

Thank you for reading and for holding space for these difficult conversations. I truly believe that we cannot heal what we do not understand.