Everyone says they want community.

But most people don’t have it.

In this episode of How to Stay Human, Tori Gordon and Kyle Herron pick up where last week left off and break down why the word community has been diluted—and what it actually takes to build something real.

Community is not a follower count.
It’s not a group chat.
It’s not “good vibes.”

Real community is embodied, relational, and reciprocal. It requires participation, structure, boundaries, and repair. If it doesn’t ask anything from you, it’s not community—it’s proximity with branding.

Kyle shares a practical framework for building communities that last (paid or unpaid), including mission/vision, agreements, member selection, leadership, feedback loops, and the containers that create trust over time. Tori breaks down the biggest myths that cause people to crave community while resenting the effort it requires.

Because the future doesn’t need more online audiences.
It needs villages.

• Why “community” has been watered down in the digital age
• The truth: community is inconvenient by design
• Why aligned communities still cost energy (and why that’s normal)
• The myth that a community should meet all your needs
• What makes communities fragile—and how to protect them
• A step-by-step framework to build a real community where you live

Anywhere Clinic
Virtual psychiatric care from the comfort of your home. Support includes medication management and ketamine therapy options (where eligible). Appointments can start as low as $120. Check if your insurance covers it.
Visit: anywhereclinic.com/tori-gordon

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Learn more: FunctionHealth.com/torigordon

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In the most connected generation in human history, why are so many people quietly falling apart in isolation?

In this episode of How to Stay Human, Kyle and Tori unpack the loneliness epidemic—and why it’s not just a “sad feeling,” but a real threat to our physical health, mental wellbeing, and long-term resilience. If you’ve ever had a lot of people around you but still felt alone, this conversation is for you.

Kyle shares a shocking insight from a health longevity conversation: loneliness is one of the most lethal forces impacting human health today. Together, they explore how our culture has traded depth for breadth, why adult friendships often dissolve into “surface-level proximity,” and how social media can create a false sense of closeness that leaves us even more disconnected.

You’ll also learn a practical framework for rebuilding real connection: the Four Circles of Relationship—a way to map the people in your life so you know who is truly core, who is inner circle, who is outer circle, and who is simply an acquaintance. This episode invites you to stop taking friendship for granted and start treating your most important relationships with the same intention you give to your career, goals, and romantic partnerships.

Because real friendship isn’t something you “luck into.” It’s something you build—through consistency, vulnerability, reciprocity, and care.

• Why loneliness impacts physical health (stress, cortisol, heart disease, and more)
• The difference between being “connected” online and being known in real life
• Why adult life makes friendship harder (survival mode, busyness, and the dopamine scroll)
• A story that reveals how much we’ve confused audience for friendship
• Why closeness isn’t history, proximity, blood, or nostalgia—it’s access + truth

The Four Circles of Relationship framework:

• Acquaintances
• Outer Circle
• Inner Circle
• Core (chosen family)

The real test of friendship: who answers when life falls apart

A powerful exercise to audit your relationships and name where dissonance exists

Why vulnerability is leadership—and why you can’t be loved if you can’t be seen

How deeper relationships become a form of resistance in a dividing world

Who do I call when I’m not okay?

Who thinks they’re close to me… but doesn’t actually have access to my real life?

Which relationships am I maintaining out of habit, history, or image?

Who is on the edge of my outer/inner circle—and do I want to deepen it?

This episode is sponsored by Anywhere Clinic, a virtual mental health provider offering expert support from the comfort of your home. Whether you’re exploring ketamine therapy, need medication management, or want a supportive psychiatric guide, you can prioritize your mental health today.
Book an appointment for as low as $120 or check whether your insurance covers it at www.anywhereclinic.com/tori-gordon

In the next episode, we go deeper into the how: how to build real community, what it means to be a good friend, and what sustainable connection actually requires.

If this episode hit home, share it with someone you love—and take one small step toward connection this week.

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If you’ve been feeling behind, stuck, or like your goals keep slipping through your fingers, this episode will reframe everything.

Tori shares her original framework, The 7 Seasons of Becoming Human, to help you identify where you are right now and stop forcing strategies that don’t match your current season. Because growth isn’t linear. You don’t “graduate” into constant momentum. You cycle. You rebuild. You reorient. And when you learn to work with your season instead of fighting it, your life gets clearer and more easeful.

Kyle joins as a student in the conversation, sharing real examples of moving through disruption, liminality, experimentation, devotion, and founding, and how seasons shape our ability to create goals that actually stick.

At the end, Tori shares how to take the 7 Seasons quiz and where to go deeper with the Substack series.

- Why “linear growth” is a myth (and what’s actually true)

- How to identify the season of life you’re in right now

- Why you can be in different seasons across different areas (business, health, relationships, faith)

The 7 Seasons breakdown:

• Comfort (belonging, structure, conformity)
• Disruption (initiation, rupture, awakening)
• Liminality (the in-between, surrender, identity dissolving)
• Discovery (curiosity, experimentation, aliveness)
• Decision/Devotion (choice, integrity, cutting off other paths)
• Founding (systems, discipline, sustainability)
• Stewardship (legacy, service, wisdom)

- The question each season asks you (so you stop shaming yourself and start listening)

- How to stop “swimming upstream” with your goals

- Why your friends’ advice might be wrong for you (they’re often in a different season)

- How to communicate your season to your partner, friends, and team for better support

Take the 7 Seasons of Becoming Human Quiz: https://torigordon.com/seven-seasons

Read the 7 Seasons Substack series: https://torigordon.substack.com

Contact: hello@torigordon.com or info@howtostayhuman.org

Today’s episode is sponsored by Anywhere Clinic — a mental health clinic offering a holistic approach to well-being with psychiatric care, medication management, ketamine therapy, TMS, talk therapy, and peak performance coaching. Anywhere Clinic supports anxiety, depression, ADHD, PTSD, insomnia, and more, with personalized care plans across multiple U.S. states.

If you’re looking for support that blends modern clinical care with a whole-human approach, check out Anywhere Clinic and explore their services.

Visit www.anywhereclinic.com/tori-gordon

If this episode helped you, subscribe for new weekly episodes of How to Stay Human.
Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, or watch the full episode on YouTube.
And if you take the quiz, share what season you’re in — it changes how you set goals in 2026.

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