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How To Be a Terrible Daughter

How To Be a Terrible Daughter

Von: Elizabeth Malamed and Megan Caper
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 Wondering how to be a terrible daughter? Listen as Elizabeth Malamed and Megan Caper, mental health professionals who also happen to be cousins, discuss growing up in toxic families, surviving narcissistic abuse, and moving forward after trauma. The How To Be a Terrible Daughter podcast is a place to find community, put words to your experience, and laugh at the dark stuff. We'll share our stories from our own childhoods, make mental health concepts easy to understand, and interview intriguing guests along the way. Oh, and you can also let Megan and Elizabeth hate your parents for you if you're having mixed feelings. We don't mind, we've got plenty of pent up anger for everyone. If your parents have ever called you terrible, horrible or something even worse, come join us!2024 Hygiene & gesundes Leben Persönliche Entwicklung Persönlicher Erfolg Seelische & Geistige Gesundheit
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  • 027: Brother, Sister, Soldier, Spy

    027: Brother, Sister, Soldier, Spy
    Jan 20 2026
    In this episode, we break down the strange and rigid logic of narcissistic family systems and the roles children are quietly forced into just to keep things from blowing up. We talk about how these identities get assigned early, why they stick so stubbornly into adulthood, and how sibling relationships often carry more tension, confusion, and grief than anyone wants to admit. Some roles absorb blame, some are rewarded at a steep emotional cost, and none of them are accidental. We also get into the ways narcissistic parents actively prevent siblings from forming real alliances, often by triangulating, misrepresenting intentions, and keeping everyone just slightly off balance. The result is that closeness feels dangerous, loyalty feels conditional, and sometimes a sibling grows up to mirror the very behavior that caused the harm in the first place. We talk honestly about how devastating that realization can be and why distance is sometimes the only sane option, even when it hurts. And yes, there is another Crazy Mom Off. This time it features a dramatic reading of a listener-submitted "apology poem," which is… an experience. We lovingly dissect the emotional gymnastics, the weaponized self-blame, and the truly Olympic-level guilt deployment, all while asking the eternal question: how does someone write this many words and still not apologize for anything? We also touch on what it looks like to build real connection outside the family system, including how Megan has been finding community and grounding in a brand-new country. Darkly funny, painfully familiar, and a little too accurate, this episode pulls back the curtain on dynamics that are usually kept quietly in place. Thank you for joining us here for another season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  H2Bterrible@gmail.com! Want to get your very own How to Be a Terrible Daughter stickers (along with such more cool merch that we talked about)? Click HERE! Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us! What We Cover In This Episode: The importance for us to sett ethical boundaries when sharing family stories and how to protect the privacy of living relatives who are not narcissists [3:01] Why children in dysfunctional families are forced to "accept the script" and play specific roles just to maintain a sense of safety and reduce household chaos [5:52] Introducing the "Scapegoat" and the reasons that this sibling is unfairly assigned all the shame and criticism within the family unit [7:15] The hidden burden of the "Golden Child" and the high-pressure pedestal they are placed on [9:40] A specific concept the explains how narcissists use a third person to alleviate pressure and create wedges that prevent siblings from forming authentic bond [18:55] The heartbreaking reality of siblings who follow in the abuser's footsteps, making a healthy adult relationship nearly impossible [26:13] Another "Crazy Mom Off" story which includes a dramatic reading and breakdown of a listener's "apology poem" [32:45] A powerful tool which allows you to create a mental character that provides the perfect, unconditional love that was missing during childhood [44:32] The way that Megan has harnessed the power of community in the brand-new country she now lives in [47:10] Links & Resources:  Encanto (2021) Check Out Our New Etsy Shop (and Get Your Very Own "Former Golden Child" and "Former Scapegoat" Merch!) Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok
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    52 Min.
  • 026: Good Parent Messages Because Apparently That's a Thing?

    026: Good Parent Messages Because Apparently That's a Thing?
    Jan 6 2026
    In this episode, we introduce the idea of Good Parent Messages, the kinds of emotionally regulating, grounding messages children are meant to receive as they grow. Not grand praise or vague affection, but specific, steady signals of safety, welcome, and attunement. We talk about how children of narcissistic parents often grow up without these emotional nutrients, and how the absence doesn't just hurt in the moment. It quietly reshapes what love feels like in the body. When the nervous system never learns what healthy care actually feels like, even genuine love later on can register as confusing, suspicious, or overwhelming. We also explore what happens developmentally when a child starts to separate, usually around elementary school, and suddenly becomes a "threat" instead of an extension. That's often when warmth gets pulled, approval becomes conditional, and love turns performative or transactional. From there, we unpack fragmentation, that disorienting experience of feeling scattered, frozen, or not fully present in everyday situations because old emotional wounds are being activated. Elizabeth shares a deeply personal moment of insight around receiving love without obligation, and we connect that realization to why so many terrible children struggle to let care land even when it's safe. As usual, we balance the heavy with stories that are equal parts horrifying and darkly funny, including a baby shower that turned into a one-woman show for narcissistic validation, and a genuinely dangerous health situation caused by parents refusing to accommodate sensory needs. We close with the tools we're practicing right now, including a deceptively simple somatic one that turns out to be anything but easy, slowing the physical pace of your life so your system can actually register safety. If you've ever wondered why healing feels nonlinear, why certain words don't land, or why love can feel like pressure instead of comfort, this episode is for you. Thank you for joining us here for another season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  H2Bterrible@gmail.com! Want to get your very own How to Be a Terrible Daughter stickers (along with such more cool merch that we talked about)? Click HERE! Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us! What We Cover In This Episode: Introducing the concept of Good Parent Messages, a somatic therapy tool designed to provide the emotional "nutrients" that children of narcissists often miss [4:31] The profound difference between being told you are "special" and the message "You are special to me" [6:42] How emotional "scar tissue" forms when a child doesn't receive specific messages of love, often making it difficult to accept that same love as an adult [14:40] The way that narcissistic parents often withdraw healthy messages the moment a child becomes a "threat" or develops an independent identity in elementary school [22:13] A look at the important (and very relevant) concept of fragmentation, or the experience of feeling broken or "not present" because past pain is being triggered by current, everyday situations [27:33] Elizabeth's vulnerable "aha moment" regarding the message "I welcome and cherish your love" [32:24] "A Crazy Mom Off" story about a baby shower that became a literal performance for a narcissist's own validation, and a scary health situation caused by Megan's parents' refusal to accommodate her sensory sensitivities [44:17] The powerful tools we used this week including a somatic one for recovery: slowing down the physical pace of your life [65:10] Links & Resources:  Good Parent Messages Integrative Body Psychotherapy The Secret to Loving Yourself book My Love is for Always book for kids Check Out Our New Etsy Shop & Get Your Very Own How to Be a Terrible Daughter Stickers! Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok
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    1 Std. und 11 Min.
  • 025: Special Encore: Silent Night, Silent Treatment: A Holiday Survival Guide

    025: Special Encore: Silent Night, Silent Treatment: A Holiday Survival Guide
    Dec 23 2025
    This episode is a re-release of our Holiday Survival Guide from last year! We wanted to bring it back for a couple of reasons. First, we have a lot of new listeners (welcome!) and we want to make sure that as we enter this chaotic holiday season, you have the tools you need to make it a little more tolerable. Also, we're practicing what we preach! We could have listened to our inner critic and pushed ourselves to release a brand-new episode, but we're choosing to give ourselves a break. We want to be real people and have real lives…and that includes the podcast. We don't have to abandon ourselves to be in community or do good work. So, here you go! It's our Holiday Survival Guide episode, "Silent Night, Silent Treatment," and we hope it is helpful for you. Enjoy and Happy Holidays! Thank you for joining us here for another season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  H2Bterrible@gmail.com! Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us! What We Cover In This Episode: A litmus test you can use to recognize the difference between abusive family practices or those that are just unpleasant [7:48] What to do before your holiday visit, including specific things to put in place and actual wording for anticipating and handling situations that may arise [12:45] Personal boundaries we recommend you consider and the ultimate purpose of taking these pre-emptive measures [20:27] Simple things you can do to nurture yourself, including the clothing you wear during the visit [25:45] What to do while you're there with your family that can make it easier for everyone and to avoid potential issues [28:58] An important reminder that you are indeed allowed to leave and that they probably will still talk about you, regardless of what you do [39:20] After-care strategies that will allow you to rest, relax and recharge after the holidays conclude for another year [45:15] Our first "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" of the new season with a flashback to 1980's and Megan's very first dance [49:30] The tools we're using: How Elizabeth is improving the ecosystem of their neighborhood and Megan's recent adventures in the kitchen [58:12] Links & Resources: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 2 Episode 11, featuring John Ritter Check Out Our New Etsy Shop & Get Your Very Own Too Tired to People Scent-Free Soy Candle! Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok 023: The Fine Art of the Fauxpology
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    1 Std. und 4 Min.
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