Firefighters are often told to leave the job at work. But what if the job is not something you can just turn off?

In this episode, Chelsi sits down with Scott Hewlett of Multiple Calls Podcast to talk about the expectations placed on firefighters and their families, and why the idea of switching work off at home does not reflect the reality of first responder life. Scott shares why being a firefighter is not just a job but an extension of who someone already is, and how asking them to shut that part down at home can quietly erode connection and authenticity.

They discuss how work and home life inevitably affect each other, the resentment that builds from unspoken expectations, and the damage caused by keeping score instead of building agreements. The conversation explores emotional regulation, capacity, and why both partners need permission to be tired, overwhelmed, and human without judgment.

Scott also speaks openly about mental health in the fire service and the pressure men feel to be better firefighters, partners, and parents.

This episode is for firefighter families who are tired of pretending work and home exist in separate worlds and who want to build a relationship rooted in honesty, compassion, and being on the same team.

Learn more about Scott:

website: https://www.multiplecalls.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/multiplecallspodcast/

email: multiplecalls@gmail.com

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Expectations at Work and Home

00:56 The Unique Mindset of First Responders

04:46 Understanding the Impact of Work on Home Life

08:41 Communication and Unmet Expectations

12:48 The Importance of Emotional Expression

17:47 Managing Mental Health as a First Responder

20:53 Creating a Safe Space in Relationships

22:55 Emotional Release and Trust in Relationships

25:07 Changing Perspectives on Mental Health

27:01 Navigating Gender Roles in Modern Parenting

29:50 The Reality of Work-Life Balance

33:12 Finding Fulfillment in Family Life

35:56 Collaborative Solutions for Family Dynamics

In this conversation, Chelsi and Samantha discuss the complexities of being in a dual first responder relationship, particularly focusing on the challenges of balancing work and family life. They explore the emotional toll of the job, the importance of communication, and the need for mental health support.

Samantha shares her experiences as a paramedic and fire wife, detailing the struggles of managing schedules, raising children with special needs, and the impact of mental health on their family dynamics. They also touch on the evolving culture within the first responder community and the significance of finding support and understanding from peers.

Chapters:

00:00 – Intro: Dual First Responders at Home

What it means to be a first responder married to a first responder.

03:00 – How the Job Shapes Family Life

Schedules, stress, and entering first responder life together.

07:45 – When There Is No Off-Duty Parent

Managing a household when both parents are on shift.

12:30 – The Invisible Mental Load

The work no one sees but someone always carries.

17:15 – Mandatory Overtime and Unpredictability

How mandos disrupt routines and parenting.

22:00 – Becoming the Default Parent

Why one partner often absorbs more at home by necessity.

26:40 – Parenting During Fire Season

How fire season changes everything.

31:20 – Neurodivergent Parenting

Supporting kids with additional needs in a high-stress home.

36:10 – Marriage Under Pressure

Communication, exhaustion, and staying connected.

40:45 – Acceptance vs Resentment

Living with the reality of the job.

45:30 – What Actually Helps

Support systems, boundaries, and realistic expectations.

49:30 – Final Takeaways

What dual first responder families should know.

Grief shows up in first responder families in more ways than we often realize.

In this episode, Chelsi talks with licensed marriage and family therapist Destiny Morris about grief, trauma, and mental health through the lens of fire and first responder life. They discuss how unprocessed grief builds over time, how trauma from the job impacts both partners, and why emotional overwhelm, anxiety, and burnout are common in first responder families. Destiny also explains EMDR therapy in approachable terms and shares practical tools for nervous system regulation and emotional support.

This conversation offers compassion, clarity, and reassurance for anyone navigating the unseen emotional weight that fire life brings home.

Course for Female First Responders: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/female-first-responder-course

Course for Partners of First Responders: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/fire-season-survival-partners-1

More about Destiny:

instagram: https://www.instagram.com/on_being_resilient/

website: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/

Chapters:

1. Introduction to Grief and Mental Health- 00:00:00
2. Understanding EMDR Therapy- 00:10:00
3. Challenges of Female First Responders- 00:20:00
4. Masculine and Feminine Energy in First Responders- 00:30:00
5. Coping with Grief and Trauma- 00:40:00
6. The Impact of the Holidays on Grief- 00:50:00
7. Self-Care and Emotional Regulation- 01:00:00
8. Therapy and Healing Strategies- 01:10:00