What Movie Should We Do Next?

Okay, so someone finally made a Resident Evil movie that actually feels like you’re the one mashing buttons and screaming at the TV. We had to talk about it. Ryan Baron North and James Crosslin are here to drunkenly dissect Zack Cregger’s “Resident Evil” with our infallible scorecard: acting, cinematography, score, plot, and, of course, how many times you’d actually want to watch this thing again. We’re talking Austin Abrams nailing the sad-sack everyman, supporting actors who can tell a whole damn story with just a look, and that delicious tension that makes survival horror so much fun to watch when you’re not the one running for your life.

We also get into the nitty-gritty of what makes this thing actually scary: first-person camera moves that follow the action properly, blocking that’s smarter than half the people you know, and sound design that turns every footstep and awkward silence into a full-body experience. The score? This is all about making you sweat. We even play horror DNA detective and trace it all the way back to John Carpenter’s The Thing—body horror, creepy sounds, and heartbeat baselines. If you’re a horror nerd… we’re getting into it.

Then we dive into the story's Golden Path: it kicks off with a pregnancy scare, a whole lot of running away from stuff, and somehow turns fear of change into actual, gross, body-morphing change. And because it’s what we do, we drop ourselves into Raccoon City and confess exactly where we’d screw things up..

If you’re into Resident Evil, horror flicks, or just want to hear two idiots talk video game movies like they actually know what they’re doing, hit subscribe, send this to your horror-loving buddy, and leave us a review. And hey, what’s the one horror game moment that still haunts your dreams?

Congrats Zach: 4/5

Super impressive you directed this while holding a gallon of PCP.

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What Movie Should We Do Next?

Okay, so who knew a medieval poll tax could hit you right in the liver? Uprising did, and honestly, we were not ready. We kicked things off thinking we’d just do a regular old movie review, but then—bam—we’re knee-deep in the 1381 Peasants’ Revolt, talking wages, labor, and what happens when regular folks finally say, 'nah, fuck this.' Andrew Garfield plays the everyman, stuck between keeping his head down and flipping the table, and the rest of the cast? They bring the fear, the rage, the 'oh hell no' energy that makes the violence feel real.

We're giving this thing a respectable 4/5; we get into a heated, possibly tipsy argument about the shaky cam and those wild zoom-ins. But then, because we can’t help ourselves, we spiral into history class: plague taxes, wage caps, and the absolute nonsense rules about what peasants could wear. Oh, and let’s not forget how movies love to turn messy, bloody history into neat little story arcs. We get into what the film gets right, what it totally makes up, and why the ugly aftermath actually matters if you want the real tea.

The golden path? Oh, we’re not sugarcoating it. We’re talking agitprop, why 'a riot is the language of the unheard' still slaps, and how revolutions can kick out the baddies but leave you with a big ol’ mess. Ever caught yourself thinking, 'if only the boss knew'? Yeah, we roast that too, and why it keeps people stuck in crappy systems. So stick around, pour yourself another drink, hit subscribe, share the episode, and drop us a review. And seriously—what headline did this movie make you think of?

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What Movie Should We Do Next?

We watch Everything Everywhere All at Once with a mix of cynicism and hope, then score the acting, cinematography, score, plot, and rewatchability until we land on a very fair 3.5. We follow the movie’s “golden path” from traditionalism to nihilism to absurdism, then argue about whether kindness, empathy, and rebellion are the real antidotes to meaninglessness.
• our three-part method for reviewing a movie while drunk, high, or whatever
• first impressions shaped by multiverse fatigue and Oscar hype
• a quick plot breakdown of the immigrant family, the laundromat audit, and the multiverse threat
• Ryan’s ratings and why the runtime and “jingle keys” moments drag for him
• James’s ratings and why the performances and camera work stay engaging
• the philosophical ladder: conservatism, Kant, nihilism, optimistic nihilism, absurdism
• the everything bagel as a symbol for despair and the pull of nothingness
• Waymond’s kindness as an active way of fighting nihilism
• how empathy and autonomy at home connect to broader ethics and politics
• inserting ourselves into the film and speedrunning the plot with weed and minimal kung fu

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