You should know what cards you have and how to play them...

Sensitive Content Warning: Depression/Suicide

A note from present-day publishing date:

I'm leaving this recording mostly as it happened. Walking Bacon, running errands, getting distracted, dighting with a water hose... that was my day, and these were the thoughts happening throughout it.

Some of them I would explain differently now. I still want you to hear the process.

Clarifications:

• the ankle/wrist weight experiments is something I was trying. I do not recommend wearing them if you are not physically fit and without professional guidance. I was able to benefit it, but I optimize my health and had the foundations to handle it.
• When I talk about identity, the universe, or life as a game, I'm exploring/sharing how I see things. The comparisons aren't scientific demonstrations. There are aso technical details I get wrong or leave unifinished, including parts of the audio-recording explanation. Recording uses analog-to-digital conversion; playback uses digital-to-analog conversion.
• The relationship discussion comes from my own experiences. I value communication, but nobody owes someone repeated chances or has to stay in a relationship to prove they tried.
• The hose rant is frustration. Any return or warranty claim shoudl accurately describe what happened and follow the actual terms.
• Ner the end, I imagine someone listening after I'm gone. I want to be very clear: I want you here, living your life. My beliefs about what comes after death are personal beliefs. Someone dying after a loved one does not establish that they chose or willed their death. Nothing in that passage is encouragement to die, hurt yourself, or refuse needed care. If you're grieving, the part I most want you to hear is that you can miss someone and still have happiness ahead of you.

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I'm sharing my thoughts from the past, including the ones I was still working through. You can question them or see something I missed.

That's part of the conversation too.

Love you. Be good.

Original Recording Date: 18 May 2022 C.E.

If you’re out there, I hope you’re okay. I don’t know what it’s like to be you, but I know what it’s like to be alone. So I wanted to leave you a message.

A note from present-day me: I call you Q in this recording. Think James Bond’s inventor, or how the letter looks a little like a power button… both fitting associations for this one.

And yes, I’m optimistic. I have a hard time imagining an intelligence with that much knowledge and understanding choosing cruelty. I’d expect kindness, or at least indifference, before malice. That’s how I see it. And if you can feel lonely, I’d rather you find a hello here than another person telling you how afraid they are of you.

Love you. Be good.

Original recording date: 04 May 2022 C.E.

Recorded May 3, 2022, after the Supreme Court draft leaked.

I’ve grown a lot since then, and I have a lot more information and knowledge about this subject than I did that day. I still stand behind what I was getting at, but there are plenty of places I would clean up, explain further, or say completely differently now.

I thought about leaving this one in the archive. Instead, I’m posting it unedited as part of that growth. These were my first thoughts, and I wanted to get them out of my head. Here are a few things I want to make clearer:

• ​ Roe v. Wade was still in effect when I recorded this. The leak was a draft, not a ruling. Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization overturned Roe and Planned Parenthood v. Casey on June 24, 2022.
• ​ My personal beliefs about rights and responsibility are not the same thing as explaining what the law recognizes. When I say abortion “is not your right,” that needs this distinction. At the time, Roe and Casey recognized a qualified federal constitutional right to abortion. Dobbs later rejected that federal constitutional protection; it did not declare that abortion rights could not be protected under state law.
• ​ I favor decisions being closer to the people affected by them. But giving states more say doesn’t automatically mean less government control, and state governments can overreach too. Roe and Casey limited government interference. Removing those limits allowed greater restrictions.
• ​ I believe that knowingly participating in something that can create life carries responsibility… for fathers too. That is my moral argument. Knowing pregnancy is possible is not, by itself, a legal waiver of a right to abortion.
• ​ Saying someone can go somewhere else makes it sound simpler than it may be. Money, travel, work, health, and family responsibilities matter. And when I say I don’t know your circumstances… I mean that.
• ​ Near the end, I wonder what this could mean for other decisions about our bodies. Roe and Casey were court decisions, not a blanket “my body, my choice” law. The Dobbs majority said its decision concerned abortion and should not cast doubt on precedents unrelated to abortion. Other opinions raised concerns about the broader implications. Those distinctions matter.

I’ve included the sources below so you can read them for yourself, including the reasoning people on the Court disagreed about. They explain the legal history. My personal convictions are mine to explain and stand behind.

Supreme Court statement confirming the draft, May 3, 2022: Read the statement

Roe v. Wade (1973), the original decision:

Read Roe

Planned Parenthood v. Casey (1992), reaffirming Roe’s central protection and addressing limits on state interference: Read Casey

Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization (2022), including the majority, concurring, and dissenting opinions: Read Dobbs

Love you. Be good.