This episode is for any guy whose dad disappeared in slow motion. If you've watched someone you love forget who they are — or you're the son who made the facility call — start here.

Blake Collier's dad Rodney had early-onset Alzheimer's for 14 years. Rancher. Property manager. Voracious reader. Devoted Christian. A man who used to punch holes in walls — and later became a teddy bear.

Blake parked the truck and watched his dad work in circles for 45 minutes. He sat through the mumbled Thursday prayers. He walked into a daycare where his dad didn't know who he was. And after the diagnosis, Rodney told him he'd fight it — and Blake made it about ten minutes down the road before he lost it.

This one's about the long goodbye. The genetic fear you won't get tested for. The day you say your piece knowing he might not hold it. And the line Blake wrote for the eulogy that still hits: there's 100 deaths. Which one do you want me to talk about?

In this episode, you'll get:

• Language for the slow disappearance — when “forgetting things” doesn’t cover what you’re watching

• Permission to skip the genetic test (and stop feeling weak for not wanting the answer)

• A real map of the facility decision — so you’re not inventing it alone the week it hits

• A way to say goodbye while he’s still here, without needing the perfect speech

• A frame for why it keeps hurting in waves: “there’s 100 deaths”

• A tool when talking fails — writing it down so it doesn’t sit on your chest

• Proof your grief doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to count

About Blake

Blake Collier is a writer and a son from the Texas Panhandle — the kind of place where emotions don't help with survival, until they have to. His dad Rodney was a renaissance ranch guy. Then came early-onset Alzheimer's. Fourteen years of decline. Blake rode the whole arc and processed a lot of it the only way that worked: writing it down. Not a therapist. Not a grief expert. Just a guy who took the long version of losing his dad.

Chapters

0:00 — Dad didn't know who I was

1:50 — Welcome Blake Collier

3:00 — Texas Panhandle. Emotions don't help with survival

4:20 — Rodney: ranch, property, renaissance man

5:40 — The anger that punched holes in walls

9:00 — College advice and the history switch

10:00 — Mom saw it first

10:40 — I parked the truck and watched him for 45 minutes

12:15 — "I will do my best to fight it"

12:50 — I lost it on the drive home

15:00 — The mumbled Thursday prayers

17:30 — When hope started dwindling

18:00 — The day of the facility

21:30 — The visit where I said my piece

25:00 — "There's 100 deaths"

27:00 — The genetic fear I won't get tested for

28:40 — "Ride along with me"

29:30 — Writing it down instead of saying it out loud

31:00 — Grief looks different for everybody

About Dead Dads

Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham. Honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and all the strange stuff that happens after. No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc.

You're not alone.

Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/

Buy us a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/deaddads

Produced with support from JAR Podcast Solutions — https://jarpodcasts.com/

This episode is for anyone who has kids. If you've ever frozen when your kid asked where grandpa went, start here.

Welcome to the first of many "Ask the Expert" episodes at Dead Dads.

Dr. Korie Leigh is a thanatologist — a grief scientist. She told us the exact words to use. Not "passed away." Not "went to sleep." Most of us use soft language to protect kids from death. Dr. Korie's research says that backfires — hard. Kids fill gaps with stories scarier than the truth.

We cover the fish story, the fence story, why the five stages of grief aren't real, the two-conversation method for separating biology from belief, how to explain cremation to a child, and the single most important sentence to say after someone dies.

Meet Dr. Korie Leigh

Dr. Korie Leigh studies death, dying, grief, and loss for a living. She teaches it at the university level, sees kids and families in her clinical practice, trains hospices and schools, and wrote When Everything Changes — a book that takes all that knowledge and makes it usable for real families at the worst possible moment. She's also the first expert we've ever had on the show. We're trying to behave.

When Everything Changes: mcnallyrobinson.com

Next in the club: Matty Woods on his dad's funeral, which had only two rules. Listen now

About Dead Dads

Honest conversations about losing your dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham. No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Just real talk for guys figuring it out. deaddadspodcast.com

Instagram: @deaddadspodcast

New episodes every week.

Jordan's dad rode 60km on an e-bike with a chemo bottle taped to the frame. Stage four cancer. Then one day the bike stayed in the garage.

Jordan didn't fall apart. He felt… neutral. Then guilty for feeling neutral.

This episode explores the quiet grief nobody talks about. The feeling that 30% of you disappears when your dad dies. You're still functioning, but you're running on less.

If you've lost your dad and wondered why you're not more of a wreck, this one's for you.

🎧 In this episode:

• Why feeling "neutral" doesn't mean something's wrong

• The "deflated balloon" model of grief

• Why guilt and anger show up in unexpected ways

• Becoming the family patriarch overnight

• Caring for a dying parent at home

• Honouring your dad without forcing closure

• Why the conversations you avoid today become the ones you miss tomorrow

👨‍👦 Meet Jordan and PJ

PJ worked the mill, retired early, and spent his best years riding e-bikes, wearing Hawaiian shirts, and building things in his workshop. When cancer reached his liver, he kept riding. Jordan grew up watching a man who lived on his own terms, which is part of why grieving him has felt so quiet.

⏱️ Chapters

0:00 Neutral... and the guilt that follows

1:50 Why Jordan wanted to tell this story

4:50 Meet PJ

7:50 Riding through chemo

12:50 The deflated balloon

16:50 The hospital bed at home

22:00 The DNR magnet on the fridge

22:50 Becoming the patriarch

25:50 When anger arrives anyway

26:50 The Hawaiian shirts

29:00 "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

32:00 Riding 120km in PJ's honour

34:50 Have the conversations now

🖤 About Dead Dads

Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, it's an honest conversation about grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and everything that changes after father loss.

No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Just real conversations.

You're not alone.

☕ Support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

Follow Dead Dads:

Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@deaddadspodcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/

Spotify & Apple Podcasts: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/listen

New episodes every week.