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Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible pairs Pittsburgh standup comedians with actual pastors to argue about the lectionary gospel — and the comedians usually turn out to be the serious ones.

It's a Short Take this week: Resident Comic Theologians Abby Evans (@itsabbye) and Erick Williams (@comicaledubs) join Bob and Eric to unpack Peter's confession at Caesarea Philippi — the gap between "who do people say that I am" and "who do you say that I am" — and what Jesus actually meant by handing the church the power to bind and loose.

• Evil-twin gaslighting over who's really Abby and who's really Eric
• Hades, Gehenna, and Sheol — why Jesus' vocabulary for "the bad place" is more specific than most English translations let on
• Molech, mass graves, and the pagan gods the Bible casually name-drops
• A whole subgenre of movies you didn't know existed: Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter
• The Supreme Court gets dragged into a conversation about ecclesial authority
• Figuring out, with the help of The Good Place, whether Peter just skipped a grade

"Peter's the who's-on-first of the Bible."

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Matthew 16:13–20 (NRSVue)

[13] Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” [14] And they said, “Some say John the Baptist but others Elijah and still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” [15] He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” [16] Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” [17] And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you but my Father in heaven. [18] And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it. [19] I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” [20] Then he sternly ordered the disciples not to tell anyone that he was the Messiah.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible pairs Pittsburgh standup comedians with pastors to read the week's lectionary gospel cold — and somehow the comedians end up being the theologians.

This week: drag performer and stand-up Envy Sinn (@envysinnpgh) and dog-sitter/comedian Lydia Henninger (@lydia__allison) join Pastors Bob and Eric for Matthew 15:10–28 — Jesus's "it's not what goes in, it's what comes out" teaching, followed immediately by his tense, electric exchange with the Canaanite woman.

• Lydia clocks Jesus mid-passage: "Why is Jesus mansplaining right now?"
• The Greek word behind "dogs" gets a real translation — and it's blunter than your Bible study probably let on
• Envy connects the daytime/nighttime split of drag life to what actually "defiles" a person
• A full roast-battle read of the Canaanite woman's comeback, and whether Jesus took the L
• A tangent through Pittsburgh's relic collection, the Vatican catacombs, and (allegedly) Bigfoot

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Matthew 15:10–28 (NRSVue)

[10] Then he called the crowd to him and said to them, “Listen and understand: [11] it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but it is what comes out of the mouth that defiles.” [12] Then the disciples approached and said to him, “Do you know that the Pharisees took offense when they heard what you said?” [13] He answered, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be uprooted. [14] Let them alone; they are blind guides of the blind. And if one blind person guides another, both will fall into a pit.” [15] But Peter said to him, “Explain this parable to us.” [16] Then he said, “Are you also still without understanding? [17] Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth enters the stomach and goes out into the sewer? [18] But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this is what defiles. [19] For out of the heart come evil intentions, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. [20] These are what defile a person, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile.” [21] Jesus left that place and went away to the district of Tyre and Sidon. [22] Just then a Canaanite woman from that region came out and started shouting, “Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is tormented by a demon.” [23] But he did not answer her at all. And his disciples came and urged him, saying, “Send her away, for she keeps shouting after us.” [24] He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” [25] But she came and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, help me.” [26] He answered, “It is not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs.” [27] She said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.” [28] Then Jesus answered her, “Woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed from that moment.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
Find us at @cptbpod on most social media platforms.
More at linktr.ee/cptbpod

Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Two Pittsburgh comedians and two Lutheran pastors read the week's gospel cold and see what happens. This week: Peter gets out of the boat, immediately regrets it, and Jesus does not let him drown.

Resident Comic Theologians Abby Evans and Erick Williams join Pastor Bob and Pastor Eric to work out what walking on water actually feels like (bouncy house floor, it turns out), whether Jesus timed his midnight lake stroll for maximum dramatic effect, and why the guy who sinks is the one the church gets built on.

Also discussed:

• Whether a library card is the sexiest thing on the planet, and whether a second library card in the next town over improves on that
• The Sea of Galilee's rumored walk-on-water tourist platform, and whether monetizing Christianity is still Christianity
• Christian comedy as one of the few scenes that actually pays mid-tier artists — and the very serious cost of that bargain, especially for young women
• A 50-second detour into Jonathan Rundman's "Xian Bookstore" that stops the room cold
• Judas volunteering to handle the money, which everyone agrees should have been a red flag
• Mike Flanagan's Midnight Mass, and why "be not afraid" is load-bearing advice
• The Jesus Christ lizard of central Florida

Matthew 14:22–33 (NRSVue)

[22] Immediately he made the disciples get into a boat and go on ahead to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. [23] And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, [24] but by this time the boat, battered by the waves, was far from the land, for the wind was against them. [25] And early in the morning he came walking toward them on the sea. [26] But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out in fear. [27] But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.” [28] Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” [29] He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. [30] But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” [31] Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” [32] When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. [33] And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

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"Xian Bookstore" by Jonathan Rundman, used by special permission of the artist. Find more at jonathanrundman.bandcamp.com.

Follow Abby on Instagram @itsabbye and Erick @comicaledubs. Follow the show @cptbpod.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
Find us at @cptbpod on most social media platforms.
More at linktr.ee/cptbpod

Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.