In the 1980s every "B" movie was post-apocalyptic, took place at a mall, featured horny teens, or had zombies. Some of those pictures had all of the above!

A tale of the love of a gerontologist for a marine biologist in a time of global warming which is acidifying the oceans and giving cancer to marine mammals...such as seals.

We conclude March-O-Gortner with Burt I. Gordon's second adaptation of H.G. Welles' Food Of The Gods. Hope you like ferry trips and giant rats!

Tom Selleck is a future cop with acrophobia who gets drawn into a cyber-mystery in this sci-fi, action film from the '80s. Written and directed by Michael Chriton and featuring Gene Simmons from Kiss as the bad guy.

A movie about a film about a TV show about a zombie attack about covers it.

Tobe Hooper, Patrick Stewart, Steve Railsback, Henry Mancini, and an extremely nude Mathilda May can't save this turgid epic story of space vampires.

Tori Spelling falls for a serial killer college student in this TV movie.

TW: Tori Spelling, action mom, MURDER, gratuitous college establishing shots, gratuitous cooking scenes, gratuitous Friday The 13th references, gratuitous Psycho references, cabins, hatchets, dudebros in shower, love bombing, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, lizard tongue.

What can you say when a made-for-Netflix Christmas rom com about a sexy snowman turns out to be pretty OK?

Lacey Chabert stars in this silly picture based on the saga of Frosty the Snowman. Well, he comes to life one day, and he's HOT?! Hot body that is. Holiday shenanigans ensue Frosty melts but comes back again, and goes to Hawai'i.

Better than it needs to be, and we end up both recommending this movie in spite of our expectations of schlock. It's a Christmas miracle!