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If you’ve ever wondered whether your child is being defiant — or felt guilty about how you’ve responded — this episode is for you.

Many parents of neurodivergent kids are told (directly or indirectly) that their child won’t behave, won’t listen, or won’t try. Over time, that story can lead to stricter discipline, more punishment, and a lot of shame — even when nothing seems to help.

In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers offers a different framework, rooted in neuroscience and compassion:

Kids will do well when they can.

You’ll learn:

• Why “defiance” is often a misunderstanding, not a character issue
• How lagging skills show up as refusal, arguing, shutdowns, or explosions
• Why punishment backfires when behavior is driven by skill gaps
• How to shift from control and power struggles to problem-solving
• What to ask instead of “Why won’t my child listen?”

This conversation doesn’t dismiss boundaries or safety. Instead, it separates support in the moment from skill-building over time, so real change becomes possible.

If you’ve been carrying guilt, frustration, or fear about your child’s behavior, this episode offers relief — and a more accurate way to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface.

Support the show

Beneath the Behavior is an educational podcast for parents and caregivers of neurodivergent kids.

The information shared is not therapy or a substitute for working with your own provider. Episodes are intended to offer understanding, context, and language—not individual advice.

If you’re looking for ongoing support grounded in the same science-not-shame approach, check out the Neurodivergent Parenting Collective.

Send us a text

If you’ve ever thought, “Nothing is teaching my kid,” this episode is for you.

Many parents of neurodivergent kids spend their days correcting, explaining, setting consequences, and trying again — only to face the same hard moments over and over. It can leave you wondering whether your child is learning at all, or whether you’re failing them somehow.

In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers offers a critical reframe: correction doesn’t work during dysregulation — because dysregulation is not a teachable state.

You’ll learn:

• Why teaching and consequences often backfire when a child is overwhelmed
• What’s actually happening in a dysregulated brain and nervous system
• What “connection before correction” really means (and what it doesn’t)
• How connection helps prevent escalation rather than reward behavior
• A simple, practical structure for what to do in the moment — without being permissive

This episode isn’t about lowering expectations or letting things slide. It’s about choosing the order that works: regulation first, teaching later.

If parenting has felt harder than you expected, and you’re looking for understanding instead of blame, this conversation will help you make sense of what’s happening — and show you how connection can become the bridge back to learning.

Support the show

Beneath the Behavior is an educational podcast for parents and caregivers of neurodivergent kids.

The information shared is not therapy or a substitute for working with your own provider. Episodes are intended to offer understanding, context, and language—not individual advice.

If you’re looking for ongoing support grounded in the same science-not-shame approach, check out the Neurodivergent Parenting Collective.

Send us a text

If you’ve ever found yourself in a power struggle with your child and wondered, How did we get here again?—this episode is for you.

Escalation rarely starts with the “big” behavior. It often begins with something small: a transition, a request, a tone, a moment of disappointment. And suddenly, both you and your child are overwhelmed.

In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers explains a core nervous-system truth that changes how we understand these moments:
the brain cannot learn when it doesn’t feel safe.

We’ll talk about what’s actually happening in your child’s brain during escalation, the difference between survival mode and the thinking brain, and why reasoning, consequences, and lectures often make things worse in the heat of the moment. You’ll also hear why validation is not “giving in,” and how safety and structure can exist at the same time.

This conversation is about reducing power struggles, protecting emotional safety, and helping kids access the skills you know they have—once their nervous system is calm enough to use them.

If parenting feels like a series of escalating moments you can’t seem to stop, this episode offers a different starting point.

Support the show

Beneath the Behavior is an educational podcast for parents and caregivers of neurodivergent kids.

The information shared is not therapy or a substitute for working with your own provider. Episodes are intended to offer understanding, context, and language—not individual advice.

If you’re looking for ongoing support grounded in the same science-not-shame approach, check out the Neurodivergent Parenting Collective.