Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro

02:07 The Year of Dr. Lisle's Book

3:13 New Personality Trait? Tendency for Victimhood

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110134

30:30 Disagreeable with a few moving parts

41:28 Q1: Past traumatic relationship – how to start dating again?

1:05:20 Final thoughts

Q1: How do I regain my self confidence after narcissistic abuse? I had an extremely emotionally abusive partner who would constantly call me fat even though I wasn't (I was 5'4 120 pounds). He would force me to weigh myself before every time we had sex and if I was above a certain weight, he would insult me and refuse sex. I developed an eating disorder because of this and got down to 90 pounds. Even when I was pregnant with our baby, he constantly called me a disgusting fat cow even though it was his child I was carrying. Now that I'm free of him I have regained some weight, and am a healthier 110 pounds. The problem is, I'm so traumatized by men and relationships that I am afraid to date. My confidence is lower than it ever was, even though, ironically I used to model when I was younger and have always been told I was beautiful, he ruined that. I'm 40 years old and I don't want to be single forever. What should I do?

X: @BeatYourGenes

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro

02:42 Q1: Listener struggles with finding meaning and motivation after embracing an evolutionary-psychology worldview that feels deterministic and uncomfortable.

7:03 The start of psychotherapy

17:00 Life problems are competitive

33:10 You're not better off not knowing about human nature

49:07 Everybody knows the truth, deep down

1:05:04 Final thoughts

Q1: This podcast has ruined my life. Well, not exactly, but it certainly hasn't helped. Yet, like passing a car crash, I cannot look away. My desire to understand the true nature of our existence seems to supersede the delusions that I might otherwise be comfortable with. With each episode comes a new insight that I previously wouldn't have had swimming around in my head, but I'm still enamored with the biological and philosophical implications of Dr. Lisle's approach to our evolution. But because these ideas are uncomfortable, they tend to put me in a place socially, and even in my own head, that isn't exactly producing satisfaction. I have always been afflicted with the idea that, much like buying into a religion, accepting the fantasies that we humans have constructed to deal with these hard truths would lead to a happier existence. Yet, I can not unknow or unthink these things. If I never had listened to this podcast, I might consider therapy, or medication management for my angst, and maybe they would have helped me a certain percentage, but now I am fully on board with Dr. Lisle's approach and know deep down his are the only real answers to life's modern problems. Even though there's still a small part of me that questions how immutable his advice seems, I can not steer myself into a satisfactory mindset. Unfortunately, all of this has caused me to devolve into somewhat of a determinist, referencing Dr. Lisle in life's modern struggles when one of these so-called, maladaptive behaviors (e.g. irritability, anxiety, hyper-vigilance, lack of satisfaction no matter how good life seems to be, etc.) arises leading me to simply ask myself, "why bother taking action if this is how I'm wired." So my question is, how can I find purpose and meaning while still maintaining intellectual honesty in this complicated world when manipulating my environment and the people around me isn't exactly the most practical thing to accomplish?

X: @BeatYourGenes

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro

01:51 Q1: Are men destined to hold more power in relationships due to women being the higher investment party?

09:23 What are relationships?

18:08 Are women the only ones who need affirmation & esteem signals?

34:30 What do we need in a relationship?

46:32 The only hope for a dying relationship

Q1: Are men destined to hold more power in relationships, aka in a position of power, because women are always the higher investment party? In my experience with a few long-term relationships, the men stopped caring for and investing in my emotional well-being after the initial phase of chasing and courting. They're nice, hardworking, and sincere, but I no longer receive the esteem signals and affirmation that women often need, especially after having kids, since they know I'm not going anywhere. Am I asking for too much? Should I just be happy knowing he's a good provider of resources?

X: @BeatYourGenes

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro

02:25 Q1: When Neuroticism Sees the Breakup Coming Before He Does

11:25 Small Adjustments vs Sudden shifts

20:30 Analyzing key parameters

36:20 Q2: Pair Bonding: Nature's Anti-Chippy Software Update

45:15 Final thoughts

Q1: I am a female scoring high on the vulnerability dimension of neuroticism on the Big 5 assessment. I have always left partners first when I felt any kind of instability in the relationship or felt they weren't completely into me. I married my husband who had been my friend for years and knew he was stable and completely into me, this was comforting and we have been married for 13 years. Just knowing that men naturally value women who are fertile scares me when thinking about our future together when I am 45 and up (I am currently 35)- he scores very low in openness and expresses his contentment for our relationship, seems to value me, but I am also going to be legally blind in older age. However, I'm setting myself up to be able to continue earning an income and I am involved in social activities and hobbies on my own. I find myself wanting to leave and establish my own apartment when my younger daughter is a teenager, just so I can avoid any future problems in my relationship with him. It's like with evo psych I can see the future that he will not value me and I just don't want to ever experience that (thanks, neuroticism :( ) I would appreciate any insight and advice about this! If I bring this up to my husband he just says "what a narrow view of the world you have".

Q2: I don't understand wife, wife, wife, chippy from an evolutionary psychology standpoint. If everything comes down to reproduction and pair bonding didn't exist in the stone age, wouldn't it just be chippy, chippy, chippy, chippy? Didn't the chiefs and best hunters just sleep with as many females as they chose? I know that traditionally men had harems, slaves, concubines and multiple wives, with the men sleeping with multiple females at the same time without commitment. What changed to create the wife relationship or pair bonding in the first place?

X: @BeatYourGenes

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Become Binge Free Course by Justina Froese

https://justinafroese.com/become-binge-free/

Participants will have long-term access. It includes 100+ lectures, a community, social eating solutions, over 10+ hours of video content, recipes, and more—literally everything about recovering from binge eating. It's like a binge eating library that will be updated whenever there's something new and valuable to share.

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro

04:03 Q1: Married for 20 years but never loved him

21:10 Using the written word to express yourself

40:55 Q2: Can the "least attractive" still find sexual satisfaction and happiness?

1:03:25 Final thoughts

Q1: I have been married to my husband for 20 years, we are both 45 now. He is a wonderful person, gentle, caring, sweet, intelligent, and an amazing father to our three small children, who all love him deeply. We have been through so much together and he helped make my dreams come true. I have great respect for him as a person and a deep seated gratitude for what he has done for me and my family, but I never loved him as a wife should love a husband, I've never been physically or sexually attracted to him. At this point in my life, I feel like I want to be with someone who I am physically attracted to. I want to experience the great romance that I never did in my youth. I know you will say leave him and find it, but you see, Dr. Lisle, it's not so simple. He loves us greatly, and If I leave, it would crush him. I just can't do that to him or the children, who are so very attached to him. If I leave, the guilt will eat away at me and I will be very unhappy, because I do love him in a way, for everything that he's done for me. But don't I deserve to at least try to go out and find my great romance? The more I think about it, the more it seems that I won't be happy either way. What should I do?

Q2: Can the woman who is objectively a 4 on the attractiveness scale really be happy and sexually satisfied with a man who is a 2 or 3? Or is she just with him because she knows she can't do any better? Is she actually attracted to that man? I know I would never find a man who is a 3 attractive. I would much rather stay single for life than be with a man I am not 100% attracted to. Can less attractive people truly be happy in their pair bond relationship?

X: @BeatYourGenes

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Become Binge Free Course by Justina Froese

https://justinafroese.com/become-binge-free/

Participants will have long-term access. It includes 100+ lectures, a community, social eating solutions, over 10+ hours of video content, recipes, and more—literally everything about recovering from binge eating. It's like a binge eating library that will be updated whenever there's something new and valuable to share.

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro

01:08 Q1: Emotional Affairs – Is there such a thing? Is this a modern phenomenon?

16:20 Human Love instincts

24:10 A modern day problem

46:46 Can you prevent an emotional affair?

1:02:45 Final thoughts

Q1: Does Dr. Lisle believe in such a thing as an emotional affair? For instance, if someone in a committed relationship has a friend, coworker, or other acquaintance that they are attracted to and even fantasize about, how do you know where the line is and what is normal "boredom" as opposed to a real problem? Do you think that people who find themselves having feelings of emotional infidelity should disclose those details to their spouse if it doesn't become physical? I realize that this is a vague question and any answer might come down to personal ethics. However, I would like to know if Dr. Lisle has any thoughts on this topic based on counseling people who have been in these types of situations.

X: @BeatYourGenes

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Become Binge Free Course by Justina Froese

https://justinafroese.com/become-binge-free/

Participants will have long-term access. It includes 100+ lectures, a community, social eating solutions, over 10+ hours of video content, recipes, and more—literally everything about recovering from binge eating. It's like a binge eating library that will be updated whenever there's something new and valuable to share.

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro

01:40 Q1: My friend went missing 17 years. How can I get closure?

14:14 Getting familiar with different causes of death

33:23 Trying to find out what you're worried about

51:30 Final thoughts

Q1: My question is about closing an open loop when it is impossible to get closure and all the information. A good friend of mine went missing 17 years ago. Police did an investigation but never found out what happened to him. He seemingly vanished into thin air. The investigation has been dead for 17 years with no new leads so it's likely we'll never know what happened to him. I still have an open loop regarding his disappearance and I regularly think about what might've happened to him. How can I close the loop and move on if it's impossible to get all the information? Will this haunt me for the rest of my life? I'm not holding out hope that he's alive, he's likely dead, but I want closure and I'll probably never get it. What can I do?

X: @BeatYourGenes

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast