The winter holiday season can be a time of joy and celebration for some, and for those with histories of trauma and neglect, it may very well be a time of particular pain and loneliness. Where I live there is a (to me) overblown culture of consumerism and consumption, with great emphasis put on buying and giving things, gifts.

For those of us with histories of trauma and neglect, or the specific trauma of poverty, there may be even more distorted meanings around giving and getting.

I always somehow imagined or dreamed that I would get something really special that would show me I was special, that I was worth something; or that I might be sufficiently known to receive something I would like.

Giving gave me a way to at least for a minute, feel appreciated, even if it was not really me that was appreciated, but the material gift.

Giving and receiving can be particularly fraught for survivors of neglect. That is the theme of this week's video.

Finally, few words about hope:

I had the privilege of going to hear revolutionary icon Angela Davis speak. She is now 82. Davis was a champion of the US Black Power Movement of the 1970's. It meant a lot to me that she of all people, is hopeful!

Best wishes of the season to all!

And hope for the year to come!

Amidst the buzz about sex that seems to always be around, for many of us, your clients may be wondering about their own lackluster sex lives, their partners having "lost interest," or accusing them of losing interest. They may be wondering "what is wrong with me?" Or what is wrong with my partner?" Or what is "normal."

Those with a neglect history, who never had anyone to ask or talk to about even their pubescent changing bodies, may be full of questions that they may never ask. Admittedly this may be true for us personally.

There are many reasons for the missing or lost spark. It may be an expression of the dysregulated, hypo-aroused neglect survivor's brain; developmental age-related bodily changes, or misconceptions about desire in the first place. Shame and prevailing myth, keeps people from speaking to or asking even their own partners. Similarly, one may wonder about their own or their partners' seemingly insatiable or extreme appetites for both quantity and sexual activity.

This week's video breaks the silence about a very large topic.

It is a challenging time of year for those with neglect and incident trauma histories. The winter holidays of any denomination may be fraught with family memories of all kinds...disappointment, feeling outcast or different, or more traumatic episodes.

In the US it is a time of great commotion, consumerism, and congestion. Pressure to have happy families to have happy celebrations with, lots of buying and giving and eating...these pressures on top of already existing difficulties.

It is not fitting with the "Norman Rockwell" idyllic image of a harmonious, white, nuclear family with a beautiful tree and lots of presents. All this may result in feelings of shame, envy and grief.

Oy vey!

My husband and I choose to feel the whole thing, and head for someplace warm and quiet.

Another insidious experience for many, the now better understood "anniversary reaction" phenomenon. The body/nervous system seems to have an uncanny additional sense or calendar where it registers the approach of a fraught time of trauma. One's reactivity seems to ramp up for no apparent reason.

If you find yourself feeling more reactive, irritable or out of sorts at this time of year, you are not alone.

That is our topic this week.

Do take heart. As ever, the more trauma processing we do, the easier things get over time.