323. The Astigmaprism Titelbild

323. The Astigmaprism

323. The Astigmaprism

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 Lords: * Ryan * CisHetKayfaber Topics: * My vocal stims are getting out of control now that I don't have pets. * Training to become a Tetris Grandmaster * https://www.youtube.com/@cishetkayfaber/videos * Switching to not-bifocals * Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nntd2fgMUYw Microtopics: * Introducing yourself or plugging something. * Going to Cape Town for Playtopia. * Enemies to enemies to lovers. * A game conference with a name that sounds way too much like Fruitopia. * What you would do for an Orbitz right now. * An apple juice with basil seeds ensconced in it, like an Orbitz. * I'm not mean, I'm just trying to manifest bullying. * Semisolid Kind of Life. * A dog following you into the kitchen and acting like a Ghostbusters trap except for all your bullshit rather than ectoplasm. * The movie about the prep school kids who poop on the floor at their magic school. * Making yourself laugh by doing a Gollum voice while you make a sandwich. * Hanging up a happy face on the fridge and writing "mirror" on top of it to convince yourself that you're okay. * An action figure that absorbs all the dark energy aimed at you. * Giving advice to someone that you really have no basis for. * The dog who loved your terrible celebrity impressions and the dog who gives you a look like "I expected more of you" * Your online source for news about what water parks Jim and his family went to. * The kind of Tetris that you become s grandmaster in. * Tetris but the pieces don't fall, they just instantly appear at the bottom of the well. * How the Tetris company wants you to play Tetris. * Delayed Auto-Shift. * Doing a hadouken move to place the zigzag piece in the correct column. * Stack faster, stack better. * A skill you can practice and get better at. * Training for three or four hours a day on a hacked PlayStation Vita to become a Tetris Grandmaster. * How the Tetris the Grandmaster community feels about leverless controls. * Going several years between occasions to say hello to your wife. * Going for a walk around the block so you have an excuse to say hello to your wife when you get back. * Seeing a person and immediately infodumping at them. * What they have now instead of bifocals. * Training your eyes to look through the part of the lens that does the thing. * Going to the optometrist and saying "just fuck me up" * Why they don't make bifocals for text at the distance of a computer monitor. * There's still time, and there's dignity. * Watching the VOD of your own death because you missed the livestream. * Getting used to your vision swimming in a new way when you get new glasses. * Getting an eye exam and saying "I'd rather not say" when they ask you what letters you see. * Freeballing your corneas. * A fellow glasses enjoyer. * A cursed gem that gives you astigmatism. * Doing the Magic Eye thing in order to learn to read. * Being born a trust fund kid, except it's your eyeballs. * The return of the quarter speed music video. * Even slower slow motion. * Why can't Eagle-Eye Cherry crawl? * Wondering why you haven't leaped yet. * Singing to the camera while being robbed. * Watching music videos at 1.5x speed as practice for watching them at .25x speed. * Suddenly the dog takes its mask off and it was Eagle-Eye Cherry the whole time! * Promising to eat your glasses frames on camera. * Forgetting how cool your whole premise is and just stopping doing it. * Literal music videos. * A houseplant can't save shit. A houseplant doesn't know what time it is. * People running around New York and looking sad at the camera. * Buck Cherry. (Named after Chuck Berry.)
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