Grab your black coffee and strap in—Breakfast with Kid‘s January 2026 recap is a glorious 18-minute stress-test of one man’s remaining sanity. Kid storms in pre-caffeinated and already over it, declaring open season on celebrity podcasters who hawk ads like desperate infomercial hosts. He dreams of a world where listeners buy nothing out of spite, then immediately questions how many sheep actually impulse-purchase because their favorite bro said “link in bio.” Classic reverse psychology rage.

The real fireworks? A full-spectrum roast of 2026’s greatest hits: the Doomsday Clock ticking to a record 85 seconds to midnight (because why not party like it’s the apocalypse), ICE agents turning traffic stops into tragic action movies while failing open-book exams, and JD Vance handing out immunity like Halloween candy. Kid’s fantasy highlight reel includes crows trained to aerial-bomb MAGA hats right over the “pretend bullet wound” spot, Trump diaper lore straight from WrestleMania flashbacks, and a morbid daydream of a live-on-TV cardiac event complete with flag backdrop, slow wink, and viral T-shirt merch potential. (He really wants that screenshot framed.)

Throw in a widow speedrunning grief-to-grift 11 days post-tragedy by bragging about rally turnout and hoodie sales, TikTok legally owning your soul forever (time to make it the new MySpace), ankle monitors on moms waving birth certificates like Soviet passports, and Grok vs. ChatGPT nerd battles where one whispers corporate sweet nothings and the other lets you go full unhinged. Kid closes with a desperate plea: can every politician, blue-check loudmouth, and cable screamer just shut the fuck up for 30 days? Let the rest of us with three jobs breathe. Spring training’s coming—don’t get ventilated practicing your Speedy Gonzales accent near ICE. Absolute chaos. Absolute gold.