# 173 - Resentment: The Silence That Keeps the Score - The Psychology of Self-Abandonment, Swallowed Boundaries, & the Quiet Cost of Keeping the Peace Titelbild

# 173 - Resentment: The Silence That Keeps the Score - The Psychology of Self-Abandonment, Swallowed Boundaries, & the Quiet Cost of Keeping the Peace

# 173 - Resentment: The Silence That Keeps the Score - The Psychology of Self-Abandonment, Swallowed Boundaries, & the Quiet Cost of Keeping the Peace

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Ask The Lemon Tree Coaching Podcast a Question. Text the TLT Pod today.What happens when patience quietly becomes self-abandonment? In this episode of The Lemon Tree Coaching Podcast, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores the psychology of resentment, self-silencing, swallowed boundaries, emotional suppression, sunk-cost thinking, and the hidden cost of repeatedly tolerating what hurts. Drawing from psychological research on attachment, emotion regulation, relationship patterns, and self-silencing, this episode examines why intelligent, compassionate people often stay quiet, over-accommodate, and keep giving long after something inside them has begun keeping score.Sometimes resentment is not simply anger. Sometimes it is the delayed recognition that keeping the peace required abandoning too much of yourself.Disclaimer & Crisis SupportThe Lemon Tree Coaching Podcast is for educational, informational, and reflective purposes only. It is not therapy, medical advice, diagnosis, crisis care, or a substitute for support from a qualified mental health professional. The topics discussed in this episode, including resentment, self-silencing, boundaries, relationship distress, coercive dynamics, and abuse, can be emotionally activating. Every situation is different, and communication or boundary-setting strategies may not be safe or appropriate in situations involving abuse, coercive control, stalking, threats, intimidation, or immediate danger.Research & Resources MentionedPsychological ResearchJack & Dill (1992) — The Silencing the Self Scale: Schemas of Intimacy Associated With Depression in WomenRead the studyGross & Levenson (1997) — Hiding Feelings: The Acute Effects of Inhibiting Negative and Positive EmotionView on PubMedButler et al. (2003) — The Social Consequences of Expressive SuppressionView on PubMedArkes & Blumer (1985) — The Psychology of Sunk CostView the studyRusbult and colleagues — Research on accommodation and constructive versus destructive responses in close relationshipsExplore related research via Google ScholarGottman and colleagues — Research on marital interaction, conflict, contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and withdrawalExplore The Gottman Institute researchChristensen & Heavey (1990) — Gender and Social Structure in the Demand/Withdraw Pattern of Marital ConflictView study informationHazan & Shaver (1987) — Romantic Love Conceptualized as an Attachment ProcessExplore the studyMurray, Holmes & Griffin (1996) — The Self-Fulfilling Nature of Positive Illusions in Romantic RelationshipsView on PubMedOverall & McNulty (2017) — What Type of Communication During Conflict Is Beneficial for Intimate Relationships?View on PubMedRecommended BooksSet Boundaries, Find Peace — Nedra Glover TawwabThe Book of Boundaries — Melissa UrbanCodependent No More — Melody BeattieAttached — Amir Levine & Rachel HellerHold Me Tight — Dr. Sue JohnsonThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work — John Gottman & Nan SilverAdult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents — Lindsay C. GibsonThe Dance of Anger — Harriet LernerWhen the Body Says No — Gabor MatéBurnout — Emily Nagoski & Amelia NagoskiSupport & Professional Resources988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — Call or text 988 in the U.S. and territoriesNational Domestic Violence Hotline — Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788Psychology Today Therapist DirectoryOpen Path Psychotherapy Collective — Lower-cost therapy optionsNAMI — Mental health education and supportAmerican Psychological Association — Psychology information and professional resourcesPlease note: These resources are provided for educational and informational purposes only and do not replace individualized mental health care, crisis intervention, or professional support.
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