Ep. 522-A Marriage Transformation 5 Years in the Making: Dan's Story Titelbild

Ep. 522-A Marriage Transformation 5 Years in the Making: Dan's Story

Ep. 522-A Marriage Transformation 5 Years in the Making: Dan's Story

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 A Marriage Transformation 5 Years in the Making: Dan's Story There are transformations that happen fast—like a spark, a breakthrough, a moment where everything shifts.And then there are transformations that happen patiently, steadily, layer by layer… over years. Dan's story is that second kind. Because five years ago, Dan wasn't walking around thinking his marriage was "bad." He actually wrote on his intake form that their marriage was probably a six or seven—a good marriage. A steady marriage. A marriage with history and shared life and inside jokes. But there was one ache that wouldn't let him rest: Intimacy had disappeared. And the pain of that—especially when you love your spouse, you're faithful, you're trying, you're confused, and you still can't "fix it"—can start to completely take up your mind. And Dan could feel it happening. So he did what so many people do when they're desperate: he went looking for answers. "This lady knows my pain…" Dan had never been a podcast guy. But when the ache gets loud enough, you'll do things you've never done before. He started listening to podcasts, searching for help, trying to understand. At one point, he even heard a podcaster say something like: Maybe you're not in the right marriage. Maybe you need someone new. And something in him basically said: No. Not here. Not this. Then he found the Delight Your Marriage podcast. And at some point he realized: "This lady knows me. She knows my pain." He listened to tons of episodes back-to-back. And for the first time, he didn't feel crazy. He didn't feel alone. He felt understood. But understanding is only the beginning. When pain starts shaping your identity Dan shared how consuming the pain became. He couldn't focus. He couldn't think about much else. He was constantly running conversations in his mind—replaying, analyzing, spiraling. And this is what matters if you relate: When intimacy is strained, it doesn't just affect your bedroom.It affects your heart. Dan knew his wife loved him. They spent time together. Their life was connected. But intimacy was absent—and that absence created a deep wound. The "last button" moment Dan told the story of how he finally joined the Coaching program. He had passed on signing up a couple times. And then the third time, he went through the whole checkout process… and just didn't click the last button. And he prayed something like: If God wants me to click that button, I'm going to click that button. Then came one of those days—the kind of day you can't focus, can't breathe right, can't stop the frustration boiling under the surface. So he clicked. He even looked it up later: October 16th, 2020. Sometimes obedience doesn't look "spiritual." Sometimes it looks like a trembling hand over a mouse, clicking a button you're scared to click. But God uses that. "I wasn't ready for success yet." Dan's growth wasn't immediate fireworks. It was slow. It was real. And honestly, it was holy. He said something deeply mature: "I probably wasn't ready for a lot of success in the very beginning… I would have misused some of that success." Do you hear the humility in that? He realized that early on, even when he was doing "the right things," his heart motive was still off. He was still doing the work for what he could get. And that's the turning point for so many people. Because you can "apply principles" and still be self-centered.You can "try harder" and still be serving your own appetite.And God loves you too much to let that be the foundation. Dan described the real shift like this: "I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing it for the Lord. And intimacy becomes a byproduct." That is biblical alignment. That is maturity. That is worship. The brotherhood you didn't know you needed Dan thought he'd try the graduate group for a only couple months… because he "didn't do well with whining." Five years later, he's still there. Why? Because what surprised him most wasn't the content—it was the brotherhood. When men get into a room (yes, even a Zoom room), they size each other up. But in this space, men began becoming honest, vulnerable, accountable, and deeply connected. Dan shared: "Once you get through some of the things we deal with… there's not a whole lot left to keep secret." That's not shame. That's freedom. And there is something healing that happens when you're fully seen—and still loved. He described men calling him out when frustration rose. It was painful at the time… but helpful, because those men knew what he truly wanted: to grow his marriage and grow with God. This is what iron sharpening iron looks like in real life. The tools that change daily life Dan mentioned a few practical pieces that became part of his transformation: Daily gratitudesFaith statementsLearning "known, safe, wholeheartedly cherished" These were just a few of the tools he learned through the Coaching program that radically changed his day-to-day, and in turn, his marriage. For example, ...
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