The Spiral | What No One Told You About Trauma, Nervous System & Identity Recovery Titelbild

The Spiral | What No One Told You About Trauma, Nervous System & Identity Recovery

The Spiral | What No One Told You About Trauma, Nervous System & Identity Recovery

Von: Lauren Tobey
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 You've done the therapy. Read the books. Tried the breathwork and the journaling. And you still feel stuck, flat, or like you're performing your own life instead of living it. The Spiral is for you. Hosted by Lauren Tobey — author of Spiraling Into Control and creator of The Spiral Framework — this podcast explores why high-functioning women keep returning to the same patterns after relational trauma, and why that return isn't failure. It's your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do. Each week, Lauren breaks down the science of nervous system regulation, identity erosion, and survival mode — without the toxic positivity, without the self-improvement pressure, and without ever calling you broken. Drawing on polyvagal theory, complex trauma research, and her own lived experience navigating divorce, burnout, and rebuilding, she offers something the wellness industry doesn't: orientation instead of optimization. The Spiral Framework maps four nervous system states — Ashes, Ember, Flame, and Rise — that you cycle through repeatedly, not as regression but as integration. Mastery isn't never falling. It's recognizing the fall and rising with precision. New episodes every Tuesday. For women who are done being told to heal and ready to understand why they move the way they do. 📖 Book: Spiraling Into Control — available wherever you buy books 🌀 Free community: laurentobey.com/community2026 | Lauren Tobey
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  • From Healing to Integration: The Spiral

    From Healing to Integration: The Spiral
    Feb 20 2026

    You Don’t Need to Heal—You Need to Understand: High-Functioning Survival Mode and Nervous System Integration

    www.laurentobey.com/connect

    Lauren Tobey challenges the wellness-culture message “you need to heal,” arguing that the framing implies brokenness and a return to a prior baseline that trauma recovery can’t actually restore. Using a DM story from a woman (“Rachel”) who has done years of therapy and practices but still feels stuck, she proposes that many people aren’t broken— their nervous systems adapted intelligently to survive, and those adaptations may now be outdated. The episode explains “high-functioning survival mode,” where competence masks exhaustion and over-functioning is rewarded, making rest feel unsafe. She discusses why common tools like meditation, breathwork, and therapy may not work without state awareness and proper sequencing, because cognitive understanding doesn’t automatically create physiological change. The Spiral framework is presented as orientation first (recognizing nervous-system states like ashes/ember/flame/rise) and integration rather than “healing,” updating the body’s instructions to match a changed environment. The episode closes by emphasizing that listeners’ patterns are protective, not personal failure, promoting the weekly show, a community link, and Lauren’s book “Spiraling into Control,” available February 27, 2026.

    00:00 Welcome to The Spiral + Why This Episode Matters
    00:28 The Problem With “You Need to Heal” (and a Fair Warning)
    01:29 Rachel’s DM: Doing All the Work and Still Feeling Stuck
    02:38 Why the “Healing” Frame Breaks Down for Trauma
    04:03 Wellness Culture’s Moving Finish Line (and the Monetization of Struggle)
    06:02 You’re Not Broken—Your Nervous System Adapted to Survive
    08:48 High-Functioning Survival Mode: Competence That Hides the Cost
    11:52 Why Self-Care Tips Don’t Work in Survival Mode (It’s Physiology)
    12:59 Tools Need Context: State Awareness, Sequencing, and Capacity
    16:25 Back to Rachel: Orientation First—Ashes, Ember, Flame, Rise
    17:59 Integration, Not Restoration: Updating the Instructions for a New Baseline
    18:14 Closing: You’re Not Failing + Book, Community, and Next Steps
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    20 Min.
  • Why You Keep Returning to the Same Patterns

    Why You Keep Returning to the Same Patterns
    Feb 19 2026

    You've done the therapy, read the books, tried the breathwork — and you still feel stuck. This episode explains why. Lauren introduces The Spiral Framework and the four nervous system states you cycle through repeatedly: Ashes, Ember, Flame, and Rise. Not as stages to graduate from, but as terrain you learn to navigate.

    In this episode: why growth isn't a straight line, the three laws of the Spiral, what it actually means when you feel like you're "back at the beginning," and the single question that changes everything — from "what's wrong with me" to "where am I right now."

    From the book Spiraling Into Control by Lauren Tobey — available wherever you buy books.

    Join the free community: https://www.laurentobey.com/community

    Click here to view the episode transcript.
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    24 Min.
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