In this episode of Last Date, I sit down with intimacy coach, tantra instructor, shibari teacher, and former professional dominatrix Rina Trevi to unpack one of the most misunderstood topics in modern relationships: kink and BDSM.

We explore what kink/BDSM is really about — and why it has far less to do with pain or shock value, and far more to do with curiosity, presence, attunement, and emotional safety.

We discuss:

- Why dominance and submission are about trust, not control

- How slowing down can completely transform your sex life

- The psychology behind humiliation and vulnerability

- Why vulnerability is a prerequisite for connection

- How role play taps into something deeper than physical sensation

- Red flags to watch for in the kink community- How to share fantasies with a partner (even if they’re not “kinky”)

- How to safely explore power dynamics and build trust

I also share how I became curious about BDSM after dating someone who challenged my assumptions — and what surprised me most when I attended Rina’s shibari workshop. What I thought would be about learning knots turned out to be about presence, nonverbal communication, and creating a space where your partner feels safe enough to let go.

This conversation isn’t about shock value.

It’s about depth.

It’s about trust.

It’s about learning how to slow down — in sex and in life.

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Rina Trevi (formerly Ms. Renee Trevi) is a Vulnerability & Intimacy Guide, Shibari artist, and author. She is the originator of Shibari as Ritual - a ceremonial modality that approaches rope as a tool for presence, nervous-system attunement, and embodied transformation rather than performance or spectacle.

She is not a Dominatrix, not a masseuse, and not a psychotherapist - though her work draws from all three realms. Her vocation is guiding people back to themselves: raw, unmasked, and alive. Rina creates rigorously safe spaces for healing, self-discovery, and spiritual exploration through the body.

Her path includes 12 years as a full-time professional Domme in New York City and internationally, 10 years of extensive meditation and Tantric spiritual practice in Asia, and 7 years each devoted to Tantric bodywork for women and Shibari as an art of self-discovery.