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When news breaks that a respected Christian author has carried on an eight-year affair, the story doesn’t end with the confession. It reveals a familiar reflex inside many high-control religious systems: forgiveness flows upward to powerful men—while people who feel hurt or disillusioned get scolded, shamed, and told to “move on.” But why is the finger of blame so quickly pointed at those who feel the disappointment most deeply? And what do these calls for instant forgiveness distract us from?

• Why “it could be any of us” can function as a warning sign, not a comfort
• The double standard: why mercy is often extended to powerful men while women, LGBTQ folks, and “rebellious” question-askers get crushed
• Why shame is such an effective control tool—and how it keeps people thinking with their “downstairs brain”
• The gendered story we’re handed early: how the Adam & Eve narrative is often told to teach people to distrust women
• Why pressured forgiveness isn’t forgiveness—and how rushing it can deepen resentment and kill real connection
• How parenting can move from control to connection—and why that shift matters for breaking cycles
• To nurture connection, start honest conversations with safe people, trust what you know, and practice curiosity again

Relevant Links

Author Philip Yancey Confesses Affair, Withdraws from Ministry - Christianity Today

What the Story of Adam and Eve Teaches about Communication (@marriageishappening)

Anti-Purity Ball: Jessica Valenti on Fighting Sexualization

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