Every year, millions of people set New Year’s resolutions — and by mid-January, most of them feel frustrated, discouraged, or convinced they’ve failed. In this episode, Andrew and Cat break down why resolutions so often fall apart, why it’s not a personal flaw, and what actually works if you want real, lasting change.

This conversation is about releasing shame, understanding how your brain and nervous system work, and building habits that support who you’re becoming — not punishing yourself into change.

1. Why most resolutions fail by design
2. How going “too big, too fast” overwhelms your nervous system
3. The difference between goals driven by shame vs. excitement
4. Why motivation doesn’t come first — action does
5. How identity-based habits outperform willpower
6. Why systems matter more than motivation
7. How overwhelm leads to avoidance and freeze mode
8. Why rest and flexibility are part of consistency

1. They’re too vague (“get healthy,” “be better,” “lose weight”)
2. They’re rooted in self-criticism instead of care
3. They rely on motivation instead of systems
4. They ignore real life stress, illness, and bad days
5. They don’t account for who you actually are

Start smaller than feels necessary

Tiny, achievable actions build momentum. Big goals still matter — but they must be broken into bite-sized steps your brain can handle.

Create systems, not rules

Motivation fades. Systems stay. Decide how you’ll show up on hard days, not just what you’ll do on perfect ones.

Build identity-based habits

Instead of “I need to work out,” try:

1. “I’m someone who moves every day”
2. “I’m someone who shows up, even imperfectly”

Know yourself honestly

Some people need accountability. Others don’t. There’s no shame — just strategy.

Plan for real life

Have a Plan B for sick days, stressful weeks, and low-energy moments. Missing one day doesn’t break a habit — quitting does.

Action creates motivation

Don’t wait to feel inspired. Do the smallest version of the habit — motivation will follow.

1. Change driven by shame rarely survives stress
2. Overwhelm triggers avoidance
3. Pausing does not erase progress