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Stranded aliens seek out Earth's most intelligent species. (Hint: It's not us.) A bully discovers the meaning of "spatial displacement." Two girls find out why you should never annoy a witch. When a swarm of sneaking, slashing, scurrying ninja weenies invades their neighborhood, a boy and his best friend find a way to fight back. Here are 33 hilarious and harrowing stories that will scare you, make you laugh, or see the world in a whole new way. Find out where David got the idea for each story at the end of the book. Don't be a weenie. Listen to these stories. If you dare!

Critically acclaimed author and master of the macabre David Lubar is back with 30 more warped and creepy tales for fans of his best-selling Weenies story collections, which have sold more than 1.7 million copies to date.

A girl doesn't have a date for the school dance - until her dad makes one for her in his lab. "Lily - meet Stitchy." A family enjoys a nice Thanksgiving dinner - until they are interrupted by a torrent of turkeys out for revenge. A princess meets a pea-brained suitor. And the battle of two red hot pepper weenies ends in flames. Critically-acclaimed author and master of the macabre David Lubar returns from a journey into the darkest depths of his brain with 35 more warped and creepy tales.

A boy discovers the answer to one of the great urban mysteries: Why are pigeons always pooping in parks? A second-grade class learns why they should always be nice to their math teacher. An ancient predator uses the internet to search out its prey. A young girl and her little brother escape a campfire weenie only to encounter something even more terrifying: a troop of Girl Scouts singing campfire songs.

From the award-winning author of Hidden Talents, two remarkable short-story collections - Kidzilla and The Witch's Monkey - together for the first time. Plus several brand-new stories. Each hilarious and harrowing. A substitute teacher finds out she has some monsters for students. A group of kids attempts a levitation trick with hair-raising results. A neighborhood is so boring the grown-ups are turning into...well...you know. And dozens more.

Part 2 of 2: Modesitt moves deep into Recluce's past to chronicle the founding of the Empire of the Legend, the almost mythological domain ruled by women warriors on the highland plateau of the continent of Candar. He tells the story from the point of view of Nylan, the engineer and builder whose job it is to raise a great tower on the plateau known as the Roof of the World. Here the exiled women warriors will live and survive to fulfill their destiny.

The war continues, and the undead ravage the land. Jirom, Horace, and Emanon begin to hope they might free the empire. But can they manage to do so before the dark king conquers the world?

Michael is branded a traitor as a child because of the murder of the king’s 9-year-old son, by his father David Kingman. Ten years later on Michael lives a hardscrabble life, with his sister Gwen, performing crimes with his friends against minor royals in a weak attempt at striking back at the world that rejects him and his family. In a world where memory is the coin that pays for magic, Michael knows something is there in the hot white emptiness of his mind.

Matt Richter's going to pieces - literally. You've got to keep your head to survive in the teeming undead city known as Nekropolis. It's a pity crazed genius Victor Baron couldn't manage that. Now everyone wants a piece of him. Zombie detective Matt Richter and his glamorous she-vampire companion Devona are back on the case, with another wild and wonderful investigation.

Cursed with a magic ring that forbids skullduggery, Tyvian Reldamar’s life of crime is sadly behind him. Now reduced to fencing moldy relics and wheedling favors from petty nobility, he’s pretty sure his life can’t get any worse. That is until he hears that his old nemesis, Myreon Alafarr, has been framed for a crime she didn’t commit and turned to stone in a penitentiary garden.

Freedom is on the march as the rebellion against the Kurian Occupation of Earth takes the offensive. David Valentine has recruited an ad hoc company of former Quisling soldiers and puts them through a trial by fire with a successful raid against an enemy armory. Now, they're ready to join forces with a guerilla army planning to establish a new freehold in the Appalachian Mountains. Valentine knows that a permanent outpost near the East Coast would provide a strategic victory over the Kurians - and he believes that only his old ally Ahn-Kha could be leading the guerillas.

In a valiant rebellion against a half century of occupation by the Kurians, the newly formed Texas Republic and Ozark Free Territory have dealt the vampiric aliens their first major defeat. Resistance member David Valentine is revered as a hero for his part in fighting to regain Earth''s freedom. But a dangerous enemy within his own ranks soon has Valentine facing charges for his handling of the Quisling prisoners - humans who have become pawns of the Kurians in order to survive.

Ozark Free Territory, 2071: The Kurian Order has reigned for 50 years. Using the dreaded power of their Reaper avatars, the alien, vampiric Kur hold dominion over the earth and its inhabitants. Yet there are those who would rather die fighting than surrender to the unquenchable thirst of the enemy - those like David Valentine.

David Valentine resigns as a Wolf militia, and accepts an offer to become a Cat, one of the stealthy warriors trained to spy on, and go toe-to-toe with the Reapers. Under the command of his mentor, Smoke, Val's first mission is to enter the Kurian zone and investigate "The Twisted Cross", a strike force of alien-human hybrids, possessing the skills of combat veterans and the hunger of the Reapers....Along the way he befriends a powerful alien, a Grog named Anh-Ka, who declares David his blood brother after Valentine nurses him back from death.

Louisiana, 2065. A lot has changed in the 43rd of the Kurian Order. Possessed of an unnatural and legendary hunger, the bloodthirsty Reapers have come to Earth to establish a New Order built on the harvesting of enslaved human souls. They rule the planet. They thrive on the scent of fear. And if it is night, as sure as darkness, they will come. On this pitiless world, the indomitable spirit of mankind still breathes in Lieutenant David Valentine. Brought into the Wolves - an elite guerrilla force sworn to win back Earth - Valentine leads his first command in the Kurian Zone.

In all his years of bounty hunting, not one injury could rival the pain Lou Prophet felt when he thought he’d lost his old partner Louisa Bonaventure. Now that he’s rescued her from the brink of death in Mexico, they’re seeking a fresh start in Juniper, Wyoming, which had once been called Helldorado before Lou’s friend, “Hell-Bringin’” Hiram Severin, cleaned it up. Or thought he had....

After buying her favourite rum distillery and settling down, she thought she'd heard the last of her arch nemesis, Evanrute Saarien. But Saarien, fresh out of prison for his misdeeds in Windswept, has just fabricated a new religion, positioning himself as its holy leader. He's telling his congregation to go on strike, to fight the system. And unfortunately, they're listening to him.

Young Gideon Smith has seen things that no green lad of Her Majesty’s dominion should ever experience. Through a series of incredible events Gideon has become the newest Hero of the Empire. But Gideon is a man with a mission, for the dreaded Texas pirate Louis Cockayne has stolen the mechanical clockwork girl Maria, along with a most fantastical weapon - a great brass dragon that was unearthed beneath ancient Egyptian soil. Maria is the only one who can pilot the beast, so Cockayne has taken girl and dragon off to points east.

When a DEA drug raid on a New Jersey warehouse goes fatally wrong it shouldn't be that big a deal. But who's pulling the strings behind the scenes and what is the connection to "Raffair," a mysterious company that's just gone public? As Raffair's stock goes through the roof, more bodies begin to pile up. The outgoing president has decided to strike up an odd relationship with a CIA analyst. Has the president decided to mount and 11th-hour attack on CURE?

Something funny is going on in the East African nation of Luzuland...and it's more than just the usual civil unrest or military coup. Organized crime lords are converging for what looks like an underworld summit - and Dr. Harold Smith dispatches Remo for a look-see and some quiet, effective neutralization. But Remo has his own problems and he's just not in the mood to be killing his way up chain of command in East Africa. Chiun has gone AWOL, fulfilling some ancient Sinanju contract and busily storming the Luzu presidential palace with a handful of saber-wielding warriors.