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Titty's waking up at 10am in New York sounding like Barry White, Georgie's cracking open a full-fat Coke, and we're already arguing about who got the bigger round of applause last week. (It was the live studio audience. Obviously.)

Georgie's checked in with a passport stamp from Tenerife and is about to do eight sea days on a crossing, as a cross-dresser. In What Are You Wearing she's made a sari out of the cabin curtains and the duvet cover, so she can cocoon herself for a nap at any time, and Titty's in a floor-length gown of bodega sandwich foils, pressed by the bodega cat himself, with a neon balaclava and toenails grown into the shape of a LaDuca boot.

In Excess Baggage, Titty makes her aerial straps debut as a rhinestoned can of Baja Blast, Georgie tells us about the iron fanny, the hula hoop and the furry schlong, and the crew group chat delivers the stinkiest poo ever. Plus: why men in Halloween costumes give Georgie the ick, the renaissance of the wired headphone, and Titty's run-in with Donna at the Apple Store.

In Message in a Bottle, Brandy from Battersea can't stop falling for men who look like they've just been released from prison. Does she kick the habit, or keep taking the 781 bus up to visiting hours?

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Titty Kaka: @titty_kaka

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Until next time, stay salty!

Have you got a saucy story to tell from your time on the High-Seas? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...

Second week back and we've already forgotten how to start a podcast. Titty is hot and bothered in Brooklyn, Georgie is nine hours ahead in Berlin, and somehow we've both had an email from Maria in The Sound of Music.

In Excess Baggage, Titty learns the hard way not to drink the water in Guatemala, Georgie reveals she's the only person alive to GAIN weight on Mounjaro, and a honeymoon in Bali goes very wrong in a glass bathroom.

Send us your dilemmas in a message in a bottle: DM us on Instagram @uptheaft or leave us a voicemail: https://rss.com/podcasts/uptheaft/voicemail/

Follow us on Instagram:

@uptheaft

@titty_kaka

@babesitsgeorgieporgie

Support the show (and buy us name badges): https://buymeacoffee.com/uptheaft

Leave us a five-star review… or a one-star one, and we'll read it out on the show.

Have you got a saucy story to tell from your time on the High-Seas? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...

WE'RE BACK, BABES! After a two-year hiatus (and a mysterious $1.24 PayPal payment), Titty Kaka and Miss Georgie Porgie are rebooting Up The Aft, and the wheels are well and truly greased.

Georgie's recovering from a Wendy's-chilli-induced coma, Titty is house-sitting (and pussy-sitting) in New York, and nobody can agree on what a dandelion is. We say hello to our brand-new segment, Passport Control, and find out how Titty ended up legally classified as a woman by the Bahamas.

Send us your dilemmas in a message in a bottle: DM us on Instagram @uptheaft or leave us a voicemail: https://rss.com/podcasts/uptheaft/voicemail/

Follow us on Instagram:

@uptheaft

@titty_kaka

@babesitsgeorgieporgie

Support the show (and buy us name badges): https://buymeacoffee.com/uptheaft

Leave us a five-star review… or a one-star one, and we'll read it out on the show.