TW: Rape & Abuse. What do we imagine a perpetrator of rape or abuse looks like?

I think most of us probably have some kind of picture in ourheads.

Someone frightening, obviously dangerous.

Someone we'd look at and think, there's something notright about that man.

But what happens when the person who causes harm doesn'tlook anything like that?

In this episode, I want us to think about the idea of the “perfect perpetrator” - the person we imagine we'd be able to recognise.

Because perpetrators can be people we know, like, and trust.

The colleague everyone gets on with. The helpful friend. Thecharming partner. The respected professional.

And if we're looking for the monster, we might miss theordinary behaviours that actually matter.

So rather than asking, “Can I tell whether this person is arapist?”, I want us to think about different questions.

What do they believe about consent?

How do they respond when someone says no?

What happens when they don't get what they want?

And what do they do when they're told they've caused harm?

I also talk about why understanding perpetrators can be partof preventing abuse because understanding someone isn't the same as excusing them.

And I invite you to try a little exercise of your own.

Because perhaps the question isn't:

“Who is the perpetrator?”

Perhaps it's:

“What kind of culture makes perpetration possible?”

I'd love you to follow along and join in the conversation.
Please write any relevant and respectful questions on my social media comments section (under the podcast post).

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Please note that I do not answer any DM's. I'm not apsychologist or trauma therapist. If you need help with any of the themes from the podcast, please visit findahelpline.com and search for help in your country.

Thank you for being here and being part of the positivechange.

Luna x