The Most Important Lessons in Healing and Relationship Discernment

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The Most Important Lessons in Healing and Relationship Discernment

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In episode ten of Unbecoming Me with Toi, host Toi reflects on 200 days of her 365-day healing journey, exploring whether she is truly healing or simply hopeful. She shares lessons learned about self-worth, discernment, and relationships, including the mistake of prematurely trusting partners before they've earned it. Toi distinguishes between genuine leadership and love bombing, emphasizes consistency and how partners treat children as character indicators, and highlights that true healing means seeking nervous system regulation over fleeting butterflies — prioritizing lasting peace and emotional stability over excitement. Timestamps Podcast Introduction (00:00:04) The host, Toi, introduces the "Unbecoming Me" podcast, focusing on healing, growth, and peeling back layers to become oneself. Am I Healing or Just Hopeful? (00:00:46) Toi introduces the episode's topic and shares she is 200 days into her 365-day healing journey. The Mistake of Crowning a Man Too Early (00:01:34) Toi discusses her past mistake of giving a partner the "man" title and benefits before he earned them. Knowing Your Worth (00:02:44) The importance of recognizing your own value to avoid situations where you are not appreciated or taken for granted. Trust is Earned, Not Gifted (00:03:52) Toi emphasizes that trust should not be given freely and must be earned through consistent actions and respect. The Importance of Consistency (00:04:55) Observing a person's consistency through all of life's seasons is crucial to understanding their true character and discipline. How a Partner Treats Children (00:05:54) A partner's treatment of your children (or their own) is a significant indicator of their character and capacity for respect. Leadership vs. Love Bombing (00:06:59) Toi explains the difference between genuine leadership in dating (courting, consistency) and manipulative love bombing (intense, short-lived affection). Recognizing a True Provider and Protector (00:09:06) A true masculine partner provides safety and reassurance through actions, making "struggle love" undesirable once experienced. Be Open-Minded in Dating (00:11:09) Your blessing might come in an unexpected package, so it's important to be open-minded about a potential partner's type. Nervous System Regulation Over Butterflies (00:12:22) True healing means seeking a regulated nervous system and peace, not the anxiety-inducing "butterflies" often mistaken for excitement. Episode Wrap-Up (00:13:35) Toi concludes the episode, reiterating the importance of nervous system regulation as a sign of true healing and discernment. Powerful Quotes from the Episode 'I've had the problem of crowning a man too early and staying too long once I've crowned him.' 'You know what I learned in my grown age? That trust is earned and it's not gifted.' 'Another thing I learned is to watch consistency, even if the person is under pressure.' 'I'm not looking for butterflies anymore; I'm looking for nervous system regulation.' 'Your nervous system will be regulated, and that's when your body will finally be at peace.' RESOURCES: Connect With Me: Toi Waddles Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/toiwaddles?mibextid=wwXIfr Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/unbecomingmewithtoi/ Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@unbecomingmewithtoi FOLLOW THE PODCAST: Unbecoming Me with Toi on Apple Podcasts and Spotify "Healing teaches you to stop chasing butterflies and start choosing the peace that lasts." Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

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