A couple of weeks ago, I told you I didn’t know how to be loved. This week, I found out whether paying attention actually changes anything.

I got a text - one word, no context - from someone who’s always known exactly how to get a reaction out of me. The old me would have taken the bait. I didn’t.

This episode is about what that choice cost me, what it saved me, and why getting wiser might have less to do with mellowing out with age and more to do with finally running out of energy for fights that were never going anywhere.

I also talk about what’s changed in how I carry the harder parts of my story - my kids, my health, the years I spent looking for solace in a cemetery - and why this show has quietly turned into something closer to a diary than I ever planned it to be.

If the first episode was the admission, this one’s the test.

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THEE BIG SWING with Lloyd Hassell

There's a version of you that existed before something shifted - before a conversation, a decision, a thing you almost didn't say. You don't always recognize the moment it happened. You just notice, later, that you're not who you were.

This is a reflective podcast about those moments: the emotional reckonings and subtle internal recalibrations that change our trajectory over time - and the possibilities still available in life.

Each episode explores what happens when curiosity, courage, accountability, or reflection opens a new way of seeing ourselves and the world.

Through personal reflections and conversations, Lloyd explores changing identities, relationships, self-trust, and the quiet decisions that alter how we see ourselves over time.

This is for people who are quietly realizing they are not the same person anymore - and that there are still choices left.

The biggest swing isn't always dramatic.

Often, it's the shift inside that changes everything.

If something here stayed with you, you can reach me at lloyd@theebigswing.com

I didn't even know how to like myself.

For years, I thought saying the words - telling someone I loved them - was the same as knowing how to let them love me back. It wasn't. I kept everyone at arm's length: my children, my wife, the people who opened themselves up to me and got nothing but distance in return. I called it being guarded. The truth is I was never comfortable enough with myself to let anyone else be comfortable with me.

This one's about what I'm finally learning, this late: that love isn't a feeling you announce. It's a consistency you show up with, especially in the quiet, everyday moments nobody's keeping score on.

I'm not finished with this. I'm just paying attention now. If there's someone you've been keeping at a distance, you probably already know who they are. You don't have to fix it today - just notice it.

Send us Fan Mail

THEE BIG SWING with Lloyd Hassell

There's a version of you that existed before something shifted - before a conversation, a decision, a thing you almost didn't say. You don't always recognize the moment it happened. You just notice, later, that you're not who you were.

This is a reflective podcast about those moments: the emotional reckonings and subtle internal recalibrations that change our trajectory over time - and the possibilities still available in life.

Each episode explores what happens when curiosity, courage, accountability, or reflection opens a new way of seeing ourselves and the world.

Through personal reflections and conversations, Lloyd explores changing identities, relationships, self-trust, and the quiet decisions that alter how we see ourselves over time.

This is for people who are quietly realizing they are not the same person anymore - and that there are still choices left.

The biggest swing isn't always dramatic.

Often, it's the shift inside that changes everything.

If something here stayed with you, you can reach me at lloyd@theebigswing.com

My youngest son asked me a question on the phone recently that I haven't been able to shake: how does it feel that none of your children speak with you?

That question is true, and it's the reason this episode isn't comfortable - but comfortable was never the point of this show.

I talk about how my anger, over years, turned my kids away from me. Not all at once. Slowly, until the silence became the normal state of things. I talk about the difference between wanting to reconcile and being able to force it, and why I've had to accept that healing happens on their timeline, not mine.

If you're a parent and any piece of this sounds familiar, I hope this catches you before the silence has to teach you the same lesson it taught me.

Listen to companion song: The Days I've Got, performed by Marcus Reese.

Send us Fan Mail

THEE BIG SWING with Lloyd Hassell

There's a version of you that existed before something shifted - before a conversation, a decision, a thing you almost didn't say. You don't always recognize the moment it happened. You just notice, later, that you're not who you were.

This is a reflective podcast about those moments: the emotional reckonings and subtle internal recalibrations that change our trajectory over time - and the possibilities still available in life.

Each episode explores what happens when curiosity, courage, accountability, or reflection opens a new way of seeing ourselves and the world.

Through personal reflections and conversations, Lloyd explores changing identities, relationships, self-trust, and the quiet decisions that alter how we see ourselves over time.

This is for people who are quietly realizing they are not the same person anymore - and that there are still choices left.

The biggest swing isn't always dramatic.

Often, it's the shift inside that changes everything.

If something here stayed with you, you can reach me at lloyd@theebigswing.com