This special episode of The Victory Podcast is dedicated to my big brother, Junior.

On July 11, I lost more than my brother. I lost one of my closest friends—the person I could call about anything, the person who could make me laugh when I didn’t feel like laughing, and the person who constantly reminded me that I was capable of more than I sometimes believed about myself.

Since losing him, I’ve learned that grief doesn’t move in a straight line. One minute you’re okay. Then you hear a song, see a picture, read an old text, or remember something they used to say, and suddenly that wave hits all over again.

In this episode, I’m being completely transparent about where I am right now. I talk about losing my brother, missing his final phone call, struggling with my faith, trying to continue working and showing up for the people who depend on me, and being honest about my relationship with alcohol after previously sharing my experience with AA.

I don’t have a perfect testimony wrapped up with a bow at the end of this episode. I’m still grieving. I’m still asking God questions. I’m still figuring out how to keep going.

And that’s okay.

Things may be okay one day, but they’re not okay today.

If you’re grieving someone you love, I hope this episode reminds you that those waves of sadness, laughter, memories, anger, questions, and even moments of peace can all exist together. Give yourself permission to feel them, and don’t be afraid to reach out for support when you need it.

This one’s for you, big bro.

May the Force be with you. Always. ❤️

— Empress Victory
The Victory Podcast