Here’s a common destructive pattern we experience every day, and skills to interrupt and break this pattern. You already know #1,

It is your,

1. Poor reaction. But if you’re not aware of your reaction, this will lead to
2. Bad decisions, then
3. Anger, guilt, or regret set in, and finally,
4. The despair (that won’t go away),

This pattern goes in cycles.

1-2-3-4, right back to 1-2-3-4, right back to 1-2-3-4.

This pattern is the reason for our energy sap. It’s the reason for our lack of sleep. This cyclical pattern is what is making us sick.

And it starts with #1. Interrupt number one, and you can break the pattern.

Here are two skills to jot down that can do that:

1. Be aware of your poor reaction. Be aware of what you’re thinking. Be aware of your reaction. You can’t change what you are not aware of or what you don’t know. How many people do you know that pay attention to their thinking or what they say and do? Not many. So, what IS your reaction, and is it getting worse over time?

Here are some examples…

Dr. Eger and Dr. Frankl were aware of their thought and choice, “Do I relive the trauma, or don’t I?” “Do I give them that power, or not?”

For us caregivers, we can be aware of the thought, “Well, here I am again with my impatience. Do I choose something different” Or do what’s easy and go back to what I know and just be cruelly impatient?”

The thought and choice, “Do I or don’t I,” is very much a conscious thought and choice by any recovering addict or alcoholic.

We can learn to be just as conscious.

It is an extraordinary skill to be AWARE of the thoughts, emotions, and reactions that are not serving us.

So, #1, be aware of your reaction. Identify it by which one is getting worse over time.

1. There are lots of interruptive skills, and many are offered in Second Response; however, I’ll tell you what my go-to skill..s, skills (plural) are…

First, I pause for a few seconds. Sometimes I need to breathe because I’m not breathing. So, pause. Take a second.

Secondly, I remind myself I can’t control or change this disease or its symptoms (I can’t control this circumstance), therefore, this isn’t personal.

#1 I pause, maybe take a breath. #2. I remind myself I can’t control dementia. So, #3, this isn’t personal. I can detach with compassion.

These are the skills that make sense to me and work for me. Maybe they’ll work for you, but you’ll find something that speaks to you maybe better than mine do. At any rate…

Now, you’ve stopped the pattern. You’ve stopped it at #1, at least enough to NOT move into #2, a bad decision which you may regret, and the despair won’t go away, which is #3 & #4.

Now you can make a better decision.

A quick point about bad decisions. They are usually impulsive, and (here’s the worst part) (they) become habitual. Because they’re easy! But they are also reckless and short-lived, and most likely, we’ll wind up having to deal with the same issue within the hour.

Granted, that could happen anyway; this is caregiving, after all. But the more skills you gain, you’ll handle the repetition better and better.

Those of you who have taken Program 1 know this program offers a lot of skills and ways to interrupt a reaction, thought, or bad habit. And those may speak to you better

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97% of caregivers do not know this one thing.

They also don’t have these associated skills.

What we DO know is what caregiving can do to a person.

We know it saps our energy and self-worth. We know our sleep is affected. We know that few people understand our plight.

What we don’t know is what exactly starts the domino effect that pushes us towards such a high, scary 67% statistic of having a stroke, committing suicide, or having a heart attack.

I can hear you screaming at me, telling me you know EXACTLY why your life is at high anxiety.

The truth is there are countless reasons for our unhappiness and stress.

In this lesson, our focus is on the causes, not the countless reasons.

There’s a difference between cause and reason in caregiving.

Think of “cause” as the root of the problem and “reason” as the weed above ground.

So, today you will:

1. Discover what 97% of caregivers do not know.
2. In addition to that, recognize and avoid a common destructive pattern.
3. One simple trick that identifies which reaction actually starts the pattern.
4. You will gain the clarity to interrupt a reaction and break this pattern.
5. You will understand the one thing you must do (and it is NOT a sales pitch for this program).
6. Lastly, you will be given the skills necessary to implement these changes effectively to ensure they last.

This lesson can eliminate this destructive domino effect so you can start living more balanced and less overwhelmed…so your day doesn’t turn hopeless by the end of it.

Before I tell you what 97% of caregivers do not know, you need to know the three factors that make what they don’t know work effectively for you.

That said, “Do you know what makes it difficult to change a reaction or drop one habit and create another?”

Now, if you’ve gone through Chapter 1, you have a lot of skills and insights to answer this question.

However, you can add these two things to your wisdom arsenal. They are: 1) commitment and 2) circumstance.

EASY first example, everyone wants to shave off a few extra pounds. Changing eating habits from bad to better or exercising from never to on occasion, the two things that can send us off track are commitment and circumstances. If donuts are served at the office that morning, that circumstance could blow your commitment. It would me! I can never turn down a good donut, and why I don’t keep them in my house.

Now I can hear you saying, “This person has the CHOICE to stay away from the donuts, we don’t have the choice to stay away from our loved one.” And you’d be right. However, commitment and circumstance still play a major role in our caregiving day.

Here’s a more complex example…

Before I became a caregiver, I was married. And in that life, I had the opportunity to meet individuals who are recovering from addiction and alcoholism, which was a fortunate experience.

They rassled every day with that choice, “Do I, or don’t I?” “Do I take that drink or not?” “Do I snort that line of cocaine or not?” If they find themselves at a bar or around the wrong kind of influence, i.e., their circumstance, their commitment to sobriety is going to be tested.

Even here, yes, they have the option to avoid putting themselves in a bad situation that

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