I have to trap the most evil, worst bad dude in existence without actually turning him to ash. So, what's a Vampyre to do?

For starters, enter an undead beauty pageant - in Oklahoma, where the hair is jacked and the contestants are busty and brainless.

My name is Venus. I'm a 200-year-old killing machine, and I'm trading in my daggers and sword for a sparkly dress and an obscene swimsuit. Tiny strips of Lycra are not my typical battle wear, but when in Oklahoma...

Armed with a fairly decent attitude, two debatably heterosexual insane old ladies, a woman I'd wanted to kill less than eight hours ago, and the possible love of my undead life, I'm in over my head with this. Of course I have no clue what this is going to entail, but that's never stopped me before.

I'm learning quickly nothing is as it seems - not my past and least of all my future. With the not-so-angelic Angels watching our every move and more butt glue, lipstick, and hairspray than I knew existed, I'm gonna take my fate by the balls and twist. Hard.

In a race with death for the cursed life of the man I'm falling in love with, there's no room for error. Especially when I can't decide if I'd rather head butt him or jump his sexy bones.

Mixed up in a tangled trap of spotlights, sequins, and seduction, I'm gunning for a crown and my happily ever after with the arrogant alpha-hole who makes me feel alive.

And the winner is...

Hopefully me.