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What Love Really Feels Like
What does love really feel like?
I pondered this question more than I have pondered nearly every other question in my life. I looked for love in all the wrong places for much of my life. I didn’t know what love was. I thought love meant sex. I thought it meant physical affection. I thought it meant that you picked someone and built a life together. I thought love meant saying your vows to someone else. I thought it meant making a commitment.
Later in life, an ice storm and a miscarriage and a lawsuit would ultimately make me experience what love really was. It pushed all the boundaries of what my prior experiences had been.
I thought it was an automatic thing between a mother and her child. I thought fathers automatically loved their children, too.
My mother didn’t love me. Not really. She didn’t love me the way I needed to feel love. She didn’t love me in ways that I recognized or defined love. This left me not feeling loved by her at all.
People always said, "Your mother loves you in her own way." She loves you in the way an addict can love someone. She loves her substances more than she loves you. She loves her job more than she loves you. She loves your dad more than she loves you. She loves your sister more than she loves you.
Occasionally, I would hear her say "I love you" behind her drugged and alcohol-induced sobbing. She would send me some nonsensical sappy love song in a video from Youtube. Those song lyrics meant something to her mind when she had dementia. She tried to portray her love through them, but I still never felt loved by her.
After all, she had done so many things that made me feel unloved. She had hurt me so many times.
I’m sure some of the people in your life made you feel unloved, too. Then, they made you feel guilty and crazy for feeling invalidated and unloved. After all, they were trying to portray their love in some language they understand. Why couldn’t you just get the message?
This book is to validate anyone who hasn’t felt loved in their lifetime.
Download now to hear more.