DISCUSSION GROUP

What if being single isn't a waiting room for your next relationship, but one of the most important periods of your life?

Inspired by Karen Uzo's book How to Be Single, this episode explores what the host has learned from several periods of solitude throughout his life. From the heartbreak of his first university relationship in 2017, to the curiosity and self-education that followed a later breakup, and finally to a deeper period of introspection in recent years, each season of solitude brought a different kind of growth.

The episode explores how being alone can push you to develop your skills, discover your capacity to create money independently, become more curious about the world, understand your identity, confront difficult parts of yourself, and ultimately become less dependent on external validation.

It also gets deeply personal, examining childhood experiences, ADHD, the fear of being a "one-hit wonder," patterns in past relationships, and the ways self-knowledge can change the kind of partner you choose.

The central question isn't simply "How do you become comfortable being single?" It's: What happens when you use solitude to actually get to know yourself?

Show Notes

In this episode, I talk about what I've learned during the different periods of solitude I've experienced throughout my life.

The first came after my university relationship ended in 2017. At first, it was painful, but that period eventually pushed me toward football, creativity, drawing, and discovering that I could make money from my own skills.

A later breakup in 2023 led to a completely different kind of solitude. I already had a business, a house, a car, and a relatively stable life, so instead of rebuilding from scratch, I became deeply curious about the world. I consumed lectures, history, ideas, and information from Ivy League universities and other sources, and built a much larger knowledge base.

The current period of solitude has been different again. The focus has shifted inward.

I've spent more time examining my identity, my tendencies, my relationship patterns, my childhood, my insecurities, and the things I didn't previously understand about myself.

One of the biggest realizations has been that knowing yourself deeply changes what you need from other people. Instead of looking for someone to complete you or provide your sense of worth, self-knowledge can move you toward self-sufficiency.

I also discuss my ADHD diagnosis and how it helped me reinterpret parts of my childhood — including the recurring fear that I might initially impress people but eventually disappoint them once they discovered more about me.

Ultimately, solitude can become an opportunity to ask difficult questions:

Who are you when nobody is validating you?

What patterns keep appearing in your relationships?

What parts of yourself have you avoided examining?

And perhaps most importantly:

How well do you actually know yourself?