This past November, I was in the mood for some christmas cheer. I threw on my Supreme brand Christmas sweater, heated up some saucy cocoa, lit a toasty fire and searched for an epic novel to sink my teeth into. Upon searching through book after book of horrendous christmas stories, for example Dicken's A Christmas Carol, a book so unoriginal and unfestive it made me want to slap down a tree, throw on a Yamaka and celebrate and celebrate Haunaka. After what seemed like years of searching, I finally found it. The Unlikely Santa. The holy grail of books. At first, I was skeptical, as the man on the cover doesn't really look like santa. Upon reading the book summary, I couldn't help but immediatly spend the 2.99 I was going to use for hookers and pick up this book. Compared to The Unlikely Santa, War and Peace looks like Fant4stic. I had a class at 2:30, but I was so hooked on turning the pages of this book I ended up skipping class. I was flipping page after page faster than a 12 year old who had just discovered playboys. I was introduced to a cast of characters so creative, original and complex that it could strike fear into the chubby heart of George R.R. Martin. Never in my life did I think I could find a book that would make me cry, laugh, and go for a long, deep thinking kind of walk to Adele before.
As for the book's plot, it pays out like this. Brandi is a job-loving person working at a wal mart kinda place. But when cheery, sexy new santa Zack Forrest comes into town, Brandi may have to start letting christmas into her life! Through his flirting, Brandi and Zack begin to spark, and leaves Brandi hoping for a new gift under her tree.
Now I know what everyone is thinking. Why hasn't such a literary masterpeice won a pulitzer prize? Why cant the weeknd feel his face when he's around me? And is this Santa-rotica family friendly? well it hasn't won the pulitzer prize because the commies running that shitshow won't nominate religious books, the same controversy was seen back in the year 4 when the bible was published. This book is family friendly, the jokes are funny enough to keep the kids attentive and the sex is sexy for you adults looking for a hot christmas. One complaint I have is that Zack is not the actual santa. I was expectig a hardcore, riveting santa documentary, but this does the trick I guess.